Die For You
by Lenora Finch
Summary: 18 year old girl Angel is dying of cancer. Her only dream was to meet Black Veil Brides...  Read and Review please!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: To my dear friend E. You know who you are, and you inspired this whole story. In fact it was from talking to you and hearing you say it that I decided to make it an actual story. So I hope you like it.**

**Die For You**

**Dedicated to E because it was her idea.**

**Chapter 1**

The words of the doctor rang through my head. Just repeating themselves, over and over, yet still not fully sinking in.

There was a ringing in my ears, and that was all that I could hear. I looked to my Mother, her make-up raining down her face, in black smudgy streams. Then to the doctor, who's expression was unreadable.

Cancer.

So this was what being told you were dying felt like.

I had imagined this a lot before. After watching movies, reading books and all that, where the main character would find out they were dying and the author tried their very best to make the reader feel it. But I never felt it when reading about it, or watching it. I would cry at the end, of course, because it was sad. But the author had never ever prepared me for this feeling.

I felt… strange. A sort of haze was in my head and a ringing in my ears. I did not feel sad as the characters in the books had, and I was not crying like the people in the films.

Instead, I sat in the room, feeling nothing but shock and that my chest was about to explode.

I blinked.

And the rest of what the doctor said to me, was just another part of the blur. Soon my Mother and me were leaving the doctor surgery and were in the car home.

Stomach cancer.

Well it explained a lot, I guess. It would explain why I was always being sick.

But the worst part wasn't that I had cancer. That I might have to have my hair fall out to stay alive.

The worst part was that it was terminal. I wouldn't even try the chemo, so my hair wouldn't fall out because it really was too late.

Just out of time.

Its not like I was years too late. That would have been far easier to take.

I was only about 3 months late. 3 months ago when I had first started feeling like there may have been something wrong. But nobody ever listens to you when you say something insane like "Hey, Mom, I feel sick."

Mom sat there in the car, driving far too fast for a village like this.

Watching the road outside my window whizz by, I listened to Black Veil Brides.

I only ever really listened to them.

They were my favourite band.

My life.

When I got home my Mom told my Dad.

Dad cried.

I went upstairs and slumped onto my bed, shutting my eyes and flicking the CD player on. Loud.

Again, Black Veil Brides flooded my ears.

I relaxed and just let it sink in.

I was dying…

…I was dying…

_Im dying, im dying, im dying….. _I thought.

It wasn't sinking in at all, which frustrated me. Why didn't I seem to care? Why wasn't I crying like everybody else was? After all it was me who was dying and they seemed to care more than I did!

I turned over on to my side and sighed deeply.

I was just shutting my eyes again, when my door opened and creaked loudly.

I half sat up and squinted, because I was tired.

"who is it?" I mumbled.

The door creaked a little more and my baby brother, Christian came in, rubbing his eye with his left fist and holding a teddy tightly with the other. He was nearly 5.

I sat up fully and smiled at him, arms out.

I hadn't told him yet and my parents were leaving me to tell him and Lewis and everybody else.

He came towards me and I lifted him up to sit on my bed beside me.

"Angel?" He said with his cute little four-year-old voice.

"What is it, honey?" I said.

"Why are Mommy and Daddy so sad?"

"Well what do you mean?" I asked, trying to pretend that I didn't know what he was on about. Christian was a smart kid, and he picked up things faster than me or Lewis usually did.

"They are crying. I don't like it when Momma cries." He said, rubbing his eye again.

"Well, I think they are just… uh… sad about the weather…." I lied, badly.

He looked at me quizzically. "The weather?"

"Uh, yeah. Its been raining a lot lately…"

"But why would that make them sad?"  
>"Well…. Uhh…. Because the rain is really a giant crying, and Mom and Dad don't like it when people cry."<p>

He giggled. "Now you are just being a silly billy." He said. "Giants don't cry- they are fat and jolly and have big heads!"

"Yes." I said nodding seriously. "Heads so big that if Mom finds out you aren't having a nap, it will crush you!" I tickled him.

He giggled and struggled.

"No, don't crush me!"

I picked him up and carried him back to his room, putting him back in his bed and tucking him in.

I turned off his light and was just leaving when "Angel?"

"Yes, honey?" I poked my head around the door.

"Im scared. Can I sleep in your room?"

How could I resist that innocent little face?

"Just this once." I said and immediately he jumped out of bed and thrust his hand up, grabbing mine.

I sat on my bed and once again lifted him up. "But you will have to put up with Black Veil brides."

He nodded. He liked BVB anyway.

I lay back down on my bed and he cuddled up beside me.

"Night Angel." He said and within minutes he was asleep.

That was when it hit me, and I thought; _**FUCK! IM DYING!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Please read and review!**

**Chapter 2 **

**A few days later….**

Moonlight streamed through my window.

Lying awake at night is something I had become used to over the past few days.

I couldn't sleep at all for thinking that I would never be able to do anything that I had wanted to achieve.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and went over to my desk. Paper spilled out everywhere, full of drawings, poems, lyrics or music I had written. I fumbled clumsily for a pencil and sat down on my window seat.

I wrote 'Bucket List' at the top and began thinking of things that I wanted to do.

Number one and the only number on my list was 'Tour/live with Black Veil Brides'

I sat back and threw the list down.

That would never happen.

But why not dream?

The next day I went to school. It was Monday, but felt even worse than every other Monday I had ever had. Mondays were typically boring. It seemed that the worst lessons were always on a Monday. I, for instance, had double maths, physics, French, then Health. I hated Health. They either made us learn about sex (which was just plain embarrassing as we had learnt about it at least 4 years ago and it was a mixed school) or they had us doing circuit training and trying to improve our health. It was compulsory.

I got into my uniform and did my makeup. I packed up my bag, but found that most of my books were missing anyway.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, my Mom handed me a packed lunch and smiled. "Honey, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I know you've only just got back from your summer break and bla bla bla and you're getting into the whole routine again. And you want to just continue your life as if nothing happened, but if you feel you need to come home, just call me okay? I will come and get you." She smiled a little again before briefly hugging me and kissing me on the forehead.

"Ill be fine." I said, rather unconvincingly.

"Well if you are sure." You are a little late, actually, I didn't want to wake you. But that means you can take Christian to school with you – your Dads gone to the store, and I really don't wanna drive."

I nodded. "Yeah that's fine."

Christian came trotting down the stairs with a huge rucksack on his back. Mom passed him his packed lunch and he gave her a big kiss on the cheek. "I love you, Momma." He said. "C'mon, Angel, I don't wanna be late!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the door.

Apparently the novelty of being new at school hadn't worn off for him.

We got into the school and I signed us both in the late book. Then I dropped him off at his kindergarten form room and had a word with the teacher, making up some story that my Mom was sick and Dad was at work, so I had to walk to school.

She didn't know that we only lived about 15-20 minutes away. But she smiled and thanked me. Christian ran into the room and joined his friends. Miss Granger was a young woman, with blonde hair and a pretty face. She was good with children and had only joined teaching at this school this year. I passed Christian's rucksack to her and she, again, thanked me and turned back into the class.

Before I left, Christian ran up to me and hugged my leg. He looked up at me, still holding on. "Please come see me at lunch?" Look at those eyes. So innocent. I still hadn't told him.

"Sure thing." I said and smiled. He let go but still looked at me. It was his first week at school. First day, infact (apart from the Friday last week, but that was hardly a day at school) I knelt down and hugged him. "I'll come get you, don't you worry about a thing."

He finally let go and ran back into his class and continued as if he hadn't a care in the world.

I finally got to class and my maths teacher, Mr Hill, glared at me over his spectacles. The glare from the light shone off his bald head and he said in a dull and monotonous tone "Angel, I do hope you have a very good reason as to why you are…" he paused and looked at the clock "…46 minutes late to my lesson…"

I opened my mouth but shut it again. I didn't, really. I was usually late to his class anyway, and always made up an excuse, but I didn't think I would even bother today.

"Take a seat. See me after class." He turned back to the board and got back to lecturing us about simple algebraic expressions we had learnt about years before.

I took a seat next to Mandy, one of my friends.

She smiled and handed me the notes she had been copying for me. I sighed in relief. "Thanks."

She smiled and said back quietly "Its ok. Tell me later."

I smiled and put my head down to work but found that I couldn't concentrate.

I couldn't focus.

I put my headphones up my sleeve and turned Black Veil Brides on.

Aaah, relief…

**Eileen's Point Of View (Eileen is Angel's Mom)**

I walked into Angel's bedroom. What a mess!

I told her she had to do something about this _**3 weeks ago!**_

Why does nobody listen to me. Well I guess I cant blame her. I was never a tidy kid.

I guess things change.

Oh – look at those walls! Covered in posters of these… 'Black Veil Brides'…. Honestly, I don't know how that child sleeps at night for all these freaky people looking at her!

I sat on her bed.

My baby.

My baby was dying.

A feeling rose up inside me that is just unexplainable. I had cried all the tears I could cry, and yet I found that they still rose to my eyes but did not fall down my face.

I stood up.

Right.

Lets clean this dump!

I was half way through cleaning her messy desk up when I realised how good at art she was. I wasn't being nosy, just cleaning. And I didn't read her poems or songs. But her art… wow… She drew so well. It was then that I noticed a slip of paper which had no colour or shading. Only a few words, in her messy, scrawly writing.

I picked it up. She had doodled around the edges a little, but not much.

I held it closer to my face. The lighting in this room was atrocious. It read:

_**Bucket List**_

_**Tour/Live with Black Veil Brides.**_

I was confused at first. For a bucket list there certainly wasn't much… bucket things on there. No usual things like 'I want to fall in love' or 'I want to have crazy sex…'. But I knew Angle, and I knew that she was _**very**_ determined. She was also very good at asking for nothing. She was never one of those children who wanted every Barbie doll and the Barbie doll mansion and this and that and the whole damn world. No. If she asked for something it was because she really needed it. This was what she wanted. The only thing. The thing she wanted most in the world.

I decided not to clean her room. She always hated it when I did. Said I moved things.

I went downstairs and put the kettle on. I made myself a coffee and sat down on the sofa, with her 'Bucket List' still in hand. I switched on the tele and put my feet up.

I was just listening to the normal jabber with an absent mind whilst supping coffee and reading those 8 words over and over again.

Then I heard a familiar voice in the background rubbish of advertisements on TV.

Alex's voice.

**OF COURSE! **Now I knew what to do.

I picked up the phone and dialled the number still staring at the list.

"Hey, hun, its Eileen… No I haven't seen your lawn mower… I was just wondering… you still work at Kerrang! Don't you?... Well I know nothing will have changed since l last saw you…. Yes that was Wednesday… look, Al, I need a favour…."

**Angel's POV**

I left Math without Mr Hill even noticing. With the help of my ipod and BVB the rest of my lessons passed by like clockwork and soon it was lunch time.

Me and Mandy went to pick up my brother from Kindergarten, and her sister, Macy, too.

Mandy when we got there turned to me and said "Look, Angel, what's wrong? You have been silent all day, listening to your ipod, and im worried about you! You are never like this – I usually have to tell you to shut up!"

I shrugged and began walking faster.

"You know you can tell me anything… you're my best friend-my only friend…sooo… whats up?"

"Look…. Uh… Mandy? There's something I got… uhh…. Landed with…. And… I don't know how to tell you this…. Im… I have—"

"ANGEL!" Suddenly Christian bounded into my legs and hugged me, hard.

"Hey. Ow. How was your first lessons?"

"MAAAANDY!" Screamed Macy running towards her.

So we all had lunch and had a laugh.

It was after lunch that I told Mandy.  
>"What?" She yelped and turned away so I couldn't see her cry.<p>

We skipped the rest of the lessons and met Christian and Macy outside the school gates.

Then we walked home.

I got home and slung my bag on the floor, and sat on my bed.

My already loosened school tie was thrown on the floor and I flipped my shoes off.

I lay down and shut my eyes for a second.

Today had sucked soo much.

**Eileen's POV – a few days later**

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow it will happen.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: PLEASE KEEP READING AND REVIEWING… even though nobody has reviewed yet :(**

**Angel's POV**

I dialled my Moms number on my phone, wiping tears out of my face.

John and Terry were in the hall with me. They had just found out and were crying.

Mr Chiltern, the deputy head had 'let it slip' as he had put it, in assembly. In front of everyone.

And now I was crying. So were all my friends.

And worst of all Christian and Lewis now knew. (Lewis was my older brother. He wasn't around much. Usually out with his girlfriend or whatever).

"Angel? Whats wrong? Im in the supermarket-can you be quick?"

"you need to pick me up! Mr Chiltern told the whole school and I don't want to be here—"

"HE WHAT?"

"Please, just come get me…"

"ok, honey, wait about 15 minutes and I will be there!"

She hung up and Terry hugged me. He was good at hugging. He was the quiet type, and had longish dark brown shaggy hair.

Christian ran down the corridor crying and ran into the little boys room.

I let go of Terry and burst into the junior boys toilets. Shortly followed by Terry (John had left for class) who was telling me that I couldn't be in there.

I found the cubicle Christian was in and knocked on the door. I could hear him crying. "Christian…?"

Nothing.

"Christian, please come out."

It took him a little while but he finally came out and looked up at me face all blotchy.

I picked him up and he just didn't stop crying.

Christian was a bright kid. I didn't try and shelter him. I just hugged him and found myself crying too.

I walked out of the little boys room and set Christian down. "Mom's coming to pick me up soon. Do you want to come too?"

He nodded.

"Ok. Well then I need to talk to your teacher."

Terry came out a little while later "What took you so long?" I asked.

"I needed to take a leak." He said shrugging.

"You should probably go to class." I said to him.

"Nah." He said. "Im skipping out the rest of the day."

I nodded.

"Ok. Well will you look after Christian while I go tell Miss Granger he wont be there?"

He nodded.

"Thanks"

So I went and told Miss Granger who understood and told me that she hoped I was ok.

When I got back to Christian he had calmed down and Terry walked me to the gate and I met my Mom there.

She hugged me and we got into the car and drove home.

When I got there I got changed and Mom made an angry call to the school about how badly that was handled.

Then Lewis came home. He was about an hour early but he was in sixth form and basically did whatever he wanted to.

He stormed into the kitchen and automatically opened the fridge before slamming it shut, then opening it again and pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

His back was turned to me, but I could see from his face when he stormed in that he was furious.

"Lewis…?" I asked, feebly.

He didn't answer me.

"Lewis, I wanted to tell you—"

He slammed his glass down on the counter. "Well why didn't you?" He turned to face me, his face was red and he looked so mad.

My mouth opened and closed again.

"I could understand it if you kept something from me as little as you having a boyfriend or that you had finished the last of the Lucky Charms, but this? Angel you are my _sister_! Does that word mean nothing to you? We used to be so close! We used to be _inseparable_! Don't you remember? We would share everything! _**EVERYTHING**_!"

"Oh, shut up Lewis, you haven't spoken to me since your balls dropped and you realised that boobs were more important than your little sister! I was going to tell you but you are never at home! You never want to talk to me! And yes. We were close! I wish we still were! And I don't know why I didn't tell you! I don't even know how Mr Chiltern found out! And how the hell do you think it makes me feel? I don't want to die! Not like this! I had hopes and dreams-I was going to have a life—"

"Shut up, what are you, like 15?"

"_**Im 17, you asshole! **_ Im one year behind you!"

"That doesn't matter!" He yelled. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"_**BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! What was I meant to do? Just say; Oh hey lewis. Youre home for once. Oh by the way IM FUCKING DYING AND THERE IS NO CURE!**_" I screamed.

There was a few seconds awkward silence.

I turned so he couldn't see me cry.

He walked up to me and hugged me. "Im sorry, Angel, I didn't mean to shout."

I just cried.

Mom then came in the kitchen and looked at us both weirdly for a second before saying. "Angel, you and Lewis go out for a walk, and sort things out okay?"

I thought it was weird but I did it anyway.

"Might as well get some fresh air while i can still breathe."

I let go of lewis and we went out for a walk, just as Mom had said.

We just went to the park.

See me and Lewis had been really close. And we used to come to the park all the time.

We sat on the bench opposite the huge pond.

"Soo…" he said. "does it hurt?"

"Does what hurt?"

"Uhhh…. Where is your cancer, by the way…?"

"My stomach."  
>"Well does your stomach hurt?"<p>

"A bit. Sometimes."

He nodded.

"Hows your girlfriend?" I asked awkwardly. I hated his girlfriend. Bianca. Urgh. Stupid bitch. Her and her posy of friends were the popular bitches. She was on the cheerleading team and constantly made fun on me and my group of friends. Lewis brought her home once and she openly bullied me in front of my parents. Nasty whore. She had cheated on him several times aswell.

"We broke up."

"Oh. When?"

"Today."  
>"Why?"<p>

"She's a bitch."  
>"Well Halle-fucking-lujah! You've seen the light!"<p>

He laughed lightly before saying "When it got said in assembly the only thing she could say was 'Awww. Little Emo-Angel is dying!'"

I looked down. "She always called me that."

"I know."

"So what did you do?"

"I told her she was a sick bitch, told her we were over. Then on my way out to go home I said 'Oh, and by the way, you're getting fat.'"

"Lewis!" I scolded before laughing.

"Dumb bitch was always worried about her weight."

There was this really awkward silence when nobody spoke for about 10 minutes and then Lewis started sniffling.

I looked over awkwardly and sure enough he was crying.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to break you two up."

"No, its not that." He said, voice trembling "I hated her anyway."

"Well whats wrong?" I asked.

"What do you mean 'what's wrong?'? Isnt it obvious? Everything's wrong. My little sister is dying."

…

We walked home.

I got in. Said goodnight to Lewis (as it was 8:30) and went up to Christian's room.

He was asleep so I said goodnight silently and went into my room.

I shut the door behind me without turning on the light and plonked myself on the floor.

I finally got up and turned on the light, getting my pyjamas off the peg on my door and I turned around.

I gasped.

Dropped my pyjamas.

And screamed.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Very short chapter coming up! Please review it and tell me how I can improve or what you think! :D**

My breathing went weird. I found that I couldn't get enough air in my lungs and each breath I took made me dizzier.

Facing my idols could not have been any more different to how I expected it to be.

They stood there. In my room. Looking at me.

Another gasp for air and Ashley turned to Andy and said "Dude, she's gonna pass the fuck out."

As if on command, everything went black and I passed out.

…

I woke up with Lewis by my side and Black Veil brides looking a little awkward at me.

I was on my bed. With a wet towel on my forehead.

Lewis look at me and said. "You always did overreact to things, didn't you?"

I blinked.

"Lewis, you're not allowed in my room" was all I could say.

"So I help my unconscious sister and this is the thanks I get?"

"A wet towel? Seriously?"

He looked at me and said "Bitch." Before getting up and leaving with a smug little smile on his face. "By the way, I think these people are here to see you…"

He left my room and shut my door.

After a few seconds of me staring at them in amazement Andy said "Hi."

"Hi."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey everyone. I hope you like this chapter and review me please! :D**

**Andy's POV**

She stared at us.

Just stared.

I cant believe she fainted. I mean she actually fainted…

I guess I should be flattered, really. That this was what she wanted most. And I do love fans. I care about my fans so much.

But I had a weird feeling about taking her away from her family. She was dying, shouldn't she want to be with her family? She had a good family. They loved her loads. And she loved them.

"So.. um… not meaning to be rude but uhh… why are you here? In my house? In my room?"

"Well… you are coming to live with us…." I said.

Her eyes nearly flew out of her head, but then Ashley went over and sat on her bed. "Nice to meet you." He said and she put her hand out for an awkward handshake but he pushed her arm away and hugged her.

She hugged back.

"Can you get up?" He asked.

"Im not sure, I feel really shaky." She said.

"C'mon, I'll help you. Jake, gimme a hand?"

Jake then went over and they helped her up.

"Right, kiddo. You're Mom has packed up most of your stuff but you will have to pack the rest, so we will leave you to do that, and we will be downstairs, making arrangements…" Jinxx said and we all left her room with her looking slightly bemused.

I shut the door behind us.

"Guys. I really don't feel comfortable about this. She is dying. She needs to be with her family" I said very quietly.

"I see your point, Andy, but look at her! I know she fainted and all but doesn't that go to show that she loves us that much? C'mon I think we should at least give her a few weeks with us. At least- she deserves it-its her only wish." Jinxx said.

"I'm with Jinxx." Ashley said.

"Jake?" Andy asked.

"…I see both of your points….But—" He began before we all groaned and he said "Okay, okay, I don't know-I don't mind either way!"

"That leaves you, CC" Jinxx said.

There was a brief moment as CC contemplated letting a grieving family keep their dying daughter, or giving a dying girl her dreams.

"I say we give her a chance." He said finally.

I didn't see any point in arguing so we went down stairs and spoke to her parents about it. They said it was fine. That she never asked for anything and that she deserved it. They thanked us. And then after awkward silences there were footsteps outside the door and I tiny little tap.

All heads turned.

"Well honey what have you decided?" Her Mom asked.

She breathed in and for a moment I thought she wasn't going to answer

"Mom, you know I love you and Dad and Christian and Lewis. But this is all I have ever wanted." She turned to us. "So if its ok with you…." Then a little smile from one side of her mouth.

The guys burst out with "Alright!" and "Yeah!" and seemed quite excited.

I smiled. "Sure thing, kiddo, have you finished packing?"

She nodded. There was a tiny brief case and a teddy in her hands.

She looked so childish there. But it was cute.

Not annoying.

But very cute.

"Alright, lets get to the bus!" Andy said.

She looked around. "Gimme just a second…" She said.

"K, we will bring it around." Ashley said and we left the house.

**Angels POV**

I looked around and Mom was crying a little. Dad wasn't but he looked sad.

I hugged them and Mom said "I think you better say good bye to your brothers."

That made me feel really sick. I didn't know how-I loved them both so much.

"Just go on." Dad said.

First was Christian. I decided that he should know first.  
>I knocked on his bedroom door before going in (He might have been asleep).<p>

A faint mumble of "Angel?" answered and I opened the door.

"Yeah, honey, its me." I said, trying not to let my voice choke.

He was already up. In fact he was sitting on his beanbag with a lamp on reading a book.

"Whatcha reading, hun?" I asked, kneeling down on the floor next to him.

"Jack and the beanstalk." He said. "Will you read it to me?"

"Sure." I scooped him up and put him in his bed, with the book in one hand.

I sat next to him and he looked up at me. "Angel, whats going on?"

I put his book down and said. "Christian, im going away for a little while. I don't know when I will be back, but I will video call you guys when im not too busy… ok?"

He nodded. I waited for him to start crying and begging me to stay like he used to when I went to school but he didn't.

HE just stared at his sheets for a moment. Then he reached for his book. "Well… can you read me this one more time?"

I smiled at him. "Sure thing." So I read him Jack and the beanstalk one last time, doing all the voices he loved.

Then when I was finished he looked up at me for a second and hugged my waist tightly with his head in my stomach. I hugged him back and kissed the top of his head. "Yknow, you are so smart. Especially for your age. And you are going to grow up into such a great guy—"

"You are coming back right?" He stared up at me with big green eyes.

I couldn't tell him that I was going away to die. "Yeah, honey. I will see you again."

He smiled up at me. "Ok then."

I got up and smiled at him. "G'night, sweetie."

"Night, Angel."

I switched off his light and shut the door.

I went up the other set of stairs to Lewis' room and stopped outside the door. _Right_ I thought _Deep Breaths…._

I swung open the door and found him pacing in the middle of the room.

"You're leaving aren't you?" He asked, and his face was blotchy from crying.

I nodded.

"You are coming back right? You cant leave us all here while you go away with some strangers and we have to wait for you to die!"

"I don't know if im coming back." I said quite honestly.

He looked up at the ceiling and ran his fingers through his hair before throwing his arms back down and shouting in frustration.

He walked over around and kicked a chair over before punching the wall and shouting again.

"Lewis, you are my big brother. And we were always close. So you should understand that I don't want to be weak around my family." I started crying and so did he "But I have to be weak. And I have to be selfish just this once and do something for myself…"

"But why cant I be selfish again and ask you to stay?" He said.

"Because I need to go…"

We hugged and cried and he said over my shoulder "I don't think you realise how hard it is for a dying girls older brother to watch her leave with a bunch of freaky men."

I laughed a little through my tears and let go.

"You have to come back and visit us." He said.

I nodded.

Then we left his room and went downstairs.

Mom and Dad gave me very emotional and tight hugs and Lewis gave me one last hug.

I wondered for a second if Christian would come down but, bless him, he was probably fast asleep.

I opened the front door, took one last look at my family and left, shutting the door behind me. I walked out into the cooler night air and saw CC waiting in the doorway of the tourbus. "You coming, kiddo?"

I nodded and smiled, lugging my final case on board the BVB-mobile!

One look back at my house and I saw my family in the front room all waving and crying.

And the last thing I saw of my family that night, was little Christian waving form his bedroom window. Smiling.

**A/N: Stay tuned for the next chapter, it should be good if I don't get writers block again. XD1**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I know the inside of the tour bus would probably not look or be anything like this, but hey, it's a story. Sorry it has been such a long time, ive been really… mentally fucked, basically…. Anyway, I hope this chapter is ok-sorry if it isn't, im still not 100 percent. :/**

It's been 3 days since leaving home and so far we had just been travelling across the United States in the BVB bus (or massive beast of a mobile home) to get to the venue in time for the start of the tour.

I was sitting on my bed, wrapped in my duvet, in my small cabin of a room.

I looked around. Photos of my family were on the wardrobe, and a few posters I hadn't set up at home were setup here.

They had been so good to me so far.

So good to me.

Yet I still felt depressed.

I reached over to my scissors in the bedside table drawer and shut the drawer again.

I began to cut, enjoying the slow rush and release I got with it.

Its not something im proud of.

It really isn't. But I do it all the same.

About half an hour into my cutting I was disrupted by some knocking at my door, and a second later the door flew open.

Throwing my scissors under the duvet I covered my stomach and wrists with the blanket.

"Heya Andy" I said.

"Hey Angel, how you feeling this morning? I know you didn't feel too great yesterday, but I dont think those windy roads helped."

"im ok." I said.

"Cool. Well we are pulling up to the first venue of our tour, wanna check It out?"

"Yeah." I said and went to get up, but paused. "Ill go get a jacket."

"Great." He said, and I saw the excitement in his face. "Ill see you in a bit." And he left.

Throwing off the duvet and getting some dressings on my arms, I threw on a leather jacket.

Stepping out of my room and into the main bit of the bus, I said hi to all the guys and went to sit on the side couch.

I felt dizzy. So dizzy.

I would've eaten something, but I was worried about being sick, especially with being ill and being on a long car journey at the same time.

Soon the bus stopped and we had reached the venue.

I looked out the window and there were already plenty die hard fans there and we were a day early!

All the guys stepped off the bus, ready to meet all their fans. The fans were screaming and running towards them and in a tidal surge they were all bombarded with crazy screaming people who were hugging and groping them in any way shape or form they could!

I hid on the bus, making sure I wasn't seen or heard in any way.  
>See, I knew that Ash and CC had posted things on their Twitter accounts about having me on their road trip and loads of fans were… well angry…<p>

Sitting on the floor and trying to get my dizziness away, I could hear everything happening outside.

Andy was getting the crowd thirsty for the show tomorrow as were the other guys when I heard something that made my stomach flip. "Now who wants to meet our little Gem, Angel?" He yelled.

There was screaming from the crowd, but im sure it wasn't happy screaming.

"C'mon out Angel!" He yelled.

I pretended not to hear, and sunk further into the floor.

Andy ran up the stairs and poked his head around the corner where I was hiding.

"C'mon, Angel, youre gonna miss the crow—What's wrong?"

I shook my head.

"Please don't make me go out there, Andy."

"Why not?" He came and sat on the floor across from me.

"Didn't you see the twitter hate? The hate on my facebook, tumblr and even nasty texts I got? I don't even know how they got my number, but they sure as hell did and I got it in the head just for knowing you… and now youre rubbing it in their faces… or that's how it will feel to them…"

He paused briefly before grabbing my hand and pulling me up. "Hell I don't care what they think, maybe I wanna show you off!"

He pulled me through the door and out onto the tarmac where I got plenty of boos and hisses and even some things thrown at me.

He hugged his arm around my shoulders, which got an even worse reaction and whispered "See? Its going fine."

I shook my head, looking mortified. He gave me a squeeze on the shoulder and said "Don't worry, im right here" before dropping his arm from around me and giving me a slight nudge forwards. Before I knew what was happening I was being pulled into the major mass orgy which was the BVB fans.

Getting punched and kicked and spat on and horrible things yelled at me, someone ripped up my leather jacket and someone delivered the final blow to the head which knocked me out entirely.

If you could think anything whilst being unconscious, im sure what I was feeling was utter dread.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks so much for all your lovely reviews, they keep me going, sometimes, they really do! Im sorry my chapters probably aren't up to scratch, but im just having a really bad time with depression and anxiety. :/ Anyways, I hope you enjoy it and leave me reviews! :D**

I woke up feeling drained of all energy and with the worst anxiety I had felt in a while. Being beaten up by peoples fans wasn't exactly my idea of fun!

From my room in the BVB bus I could hear them talking.

"I don't know why they'd do that to her, I mean shouldn't they embrace her as one of them?" I heard C.C say.

"I dunno, I don't get it." Andy said

"Well if you look at the tweets in reply to the ones regarding angel…" Ashley started "Like this one: 'What the fuck is wrong with you, whore? You aren't dying youre doing this for attention. I hope you die slowly.'"

"And this one" Jinxx continued " 'Andy why didn't you choose me? I love you way more than she does, she's just a pathetic ugly slut. I bet she's not even got cancer'"

"What about this one" Jake started "Sent to her personal twitter account—"

"I didn't know she had a twitter account…" Andy said.

"Yeah, she's Angel_From_Your_Nightmare. Anyway, these ones are horrible: 'I hope you are dying and I hope it kills you fast. Go kill yourself, because nobody wants you to be alive.' Tweeted by some random, and this one 'Kill yourself. Nobody would miss you. BVB don't care about you. Nobody does. Your ugly and pathetic. Die.' And this one 'Youre just having cancer for attention. I don't think you really have it because if you did you would be at home with your family, rotting like a vegetable. Why wont you just get out of peoples lives and die. I hope you die slowly and painfully, because you fucking deserve it, cunt. That's all you are is a pathetic little cunt. DIE CUNT DIE!' "

Jake finished reading and said "Damn, there are thousands of them."

"Why would they do that? Our fans are all about being an army. Being together in times of darkness and not feeling alone, yet they have single handedly isolated this girl and are going to make her last moments her worst. I cant believe it." Andy started.  
>"Well we cant really do much about it, the fans will turn on us if we are not careful…" Ashley said.<p>

"No we can do something about it and we will." Andy said. "Im gonna go see if she's woken up yet."

I heard footsteps quickly coming towards my room and contemplated pretending to be asleep but then couldn't be bothered.

He opened the door and smiled at me as soon as he saw I was awake.

"I guess you saw them, then." I said, looking straight ahead. "I never understood why people hated me so much, they just seem to… Im surprised you all haven't told me you hate me and want out yet."

"No." He said, and sat on my bed. "We don't hate you."  
>It was an awkward silence, and I got the impression that Andy wasn't very good at the touchy feely kind of thing.<p>

"I just think that they don't understand." Andy said. "They see it as a girl getting her dreams and hiding behind the fact that shes dying—"  
>"Don't say that." I said.<p>

It still choked me up. I didn't want to believe that I was dying. I had so much to do. So much to…_accomplish_… In some ways I still believed that there would be a way out. There would be a cure. They wouldve got their estimates wrong.

"And hey, im sorry about your jacket…" He said.

"That was my favourite." I gave him a half hearted smile.

I really didn't feel like much.

"Do you wanna go out to eat?" He asked.

"You mean out there? Oh hell no! Id rather have steaks tied to my body and concrete shoes put on and then be lowered into shark infested water!"

He smiled briefly before saying. "They wont hurt you this time."

I raised my eyebrow. "That's what you said last time and I got beaten up and my jacket torn to shreds."

"But they wont this time."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just… am…"

I couldnt not trust him. I guess I just did.

I got up and ignored the head rush, before making my way out of the van, when I got more boos and hisses but the crowd didn't go anywhere near.

We stopped at Popeyes Chicken and ate a load of stuff whilst chatting and laughing and forgetting about stuff.

I finished my small portion first and put it down to not being too hungry.

I sat with my head resting on my fist and looked bored.

"Whats up?" Ashley asked.

"Nothing, im just a little bored"

He handed me his iphone and said, "Go on facebook or something. Talk to your friends, im sure they miss you."

I grinned and logged into my twitter account. I went onto my private messages and answered a load of the messages from my friends at school, all saying they missed me. All saying they wanted me to come visit.

Well my friends had to go soon as it was getting late, and I was just about to log out, when I saw that Andy had a new twitter post and it was getting a hell of a lot of attention.

'The way you all treat Angel is awful. I hope you are all ashamed of yourselves.'

Weird. I hadnt expected him to stand up for me at all. And there was no love towards his fans in that post. Which was odd because he cared most about his fans, or at least appeared to. But no. No love here, just disappointment.

I looked at Andy beside me, happily eating away and laughing, and he turned to me and smiled. But not like a normal smile, he smiled with his eyes.

And for a brief moment I felt like a total fan girl again. I blushed and all I could think was 'he smiled at me'.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hai there Kira. Thanks for reviewing all of my chapters-it is muchly appreciated! ^_^**

**And here's another one!**

Heading back to the tour bus, most of the fans had left, there were only about 5 or so left over.

They shouted rude things at me and insulted me quite a lot. Yelling things about how I was ugly. How I should kill myself. And everything like that.

_Head down_, I thought.

Andy pushed me in front of him when walking on the bus and stared them out with a cold and discerning look.

Back on the bus, I slumped onto a chair and sighed.

The rest of the guys slumped into chairs too and we all sat around and said nothing for at least 10 minutes.

"Im gonna go get ready for bed." I said, stood up, smiled at C.C (who was looking at me) and walked to my room.

**Andy's POV**

Slumping onto a couch, I sighed and rested my head back, shutting my eyes for a few seconds.

It wasn't an awkward silence, but nobody was talking.

After a little while Angel got up and said "Im gonna go get ready for bed" She smiled at C.C and walked into her room, shutting the door behind her.

_Hm… interesting… they had been a little flirty at dinner… nah… well, actually… he had been one of the ones that really wanted her here. He tweeted about her a lot, come to think about it…_

I got a cigarette out of my pocket and a lighter out of the other. Lighting up, I looked at C.C and said "What you making of Angel?"

He smiled "Shes cool."

I smirked to myself.

"Whats that look for?" He yelped in defence.

"Nothin" I said.

Another awkward silence took place.

A few minutes into the silence and we heard a crash and a scream.

All heads turned to Angel's room.

"Angel?" Ashley called. "You ok in there?"

"Sounded like a broken window." C.C said.

Ashley got up when there was a faint reply of "im fine" and walked towards her door.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"Hold on… im just…. Getting something to cover up with…" she said and then "Yeah ok."

Ashley flung open the door and from there, we saw Angel on the floor with a blanket wrapped around her.

Looking closer, I saw that she was crying.

Ashley walked into her room blocking my view of her and I called through, too tired to move "Is she "okay?"

"Yeah, just shaken up, a little" He called back and then said to her "Do you want some help up?"

Then I saw her wrap her arms around his neck and him pick her up, bridal style.

He carried her through to the living room and set her down on the couch, where C.C was sitting.

She was shaking.

"What happened?" Jake asked.

She looked up at him wide eyed and said "someone threw a rock through the window – and it hit me – and then somebody grabbed my neck – and – and –"

I walked over and 'Shhh'-ed her.

She stopped crying, but continued shaking.

"Ok ,we have to do something about this." I said.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Another chapter! Also im thinking of changing the name of this story. Hm….. in fact no I might just make a sequel…. Tell me what you think! ^_^**

**Angel's POV**

It was about 3 in the morning and I was asleep on the couch in the same room as C.C who had agreed to sleep in the same room instead of in his bunk with Ashley so he could protect me for the night. Nobody was in my room, one because the window wasn't fixed, and two because there might be another attempted attack.

C.C was snoring softly from the pull out sofa bed underneath me.

I was just trying to sleep when there was a loud few bangs at the door. C.C jumped a little and rubbed his eyes before getting up and stretching. I got up and went towards the door.

"Don't." C.C said.

I stopped and nodded, standing to the side.

C.C came over and opened the door, fast. I stood by him, peeking from behind.

Nothing.

Nobody was there.

C.C bent over and picked something up.

A note.

He raised his eyebrows and said "it's yours"

The envelope was addressed to 'A Fallen Angel'.

"How do you know its for me? It could be for any one of you." I said

He chuckled "That's sweet but considering when fans do that, they usually just write our names on it, im sure its for you." He said.

He put a hand on my back and said "if its anything creepy, then let me know ok?"

I nodded and he walked back to his bed.

I ripped open the envelope and read what was inside. 4 words. 4 words that made me feel a little better about myself and my ordeal. 4 words: I believe in you.

It was odd at first and I just stood and stared at it.

Believed in what?

What was there to believe in?

It's not like I was facing some huge thing… apart from my cancer.

But it was a nice gesture all the same.

I went into my room and put it in the drawer where I kept a box. In the box were fairly insignificant things that has every meaning in the world wrapped inside of them. I had started collecting them since I was tiny and the box was about half full. I put the note in there.

As I came back out of my room and went back to the sofa, C.C asked me what it said.

"not much." I said in reply.

"It wasn't hate mail right?" He asked.

"Nah." I said. "It just said 'I believe in you'"

"Weird." He said.

"Yeah I know." I paused for a second before getting my blanket over my self and said "Night C.C"

"Night, honey." He said.

I went to sleep smiling that night.

**A/N: Sorry that this is such a short chapter im really busy atm so Im having to cram writing in whenever I can!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey guys! Its another chapter! Please don't forget to review! I hope you enjoy it! :]**

I woke up at about midday when I heard some hammering and drills and things.

I squinted my eyes because of the light and then covered them with my arm.

I hadn't been doing anything active or anything and I had just woken up, yet I was exhausted. Jinxx came through to the living room and sat on the couch by my feet.

"How you feeling today kiddo?" He asked.

"…tired…" I mumbled.

"C'mon, you cant be that tired, its nearly time for lunch!"

I sat up and stretched.

"I'll get up…" I mumbled again "Whats that noise?"

"That's the builders."

"Builders?"

"Oh yeah, well this morning while you were still out of it these builders came out of the blue and said they were here to fix the window and damages to the bus made by the fans. On the house. Well we weren't gonna complain. But they said it was because one of their kids was a huge fan…"  
>"Weird." I said.<p>

"Yeah, but hey-im not complaining-free maintenance!"

I smiled.

He ruffled my hair and said "You better go get a shower and stuff-Andy wants food as soon as these people are gone. And when Andy's hungry…. He's _hungry_!" Jinxx pulled a face and I started laughing before getting up and pulling the huge band shirt I was wearing down.

I always wore big shirts to bed.

I went into my room to be greeted by a load of randoms looking at me.

"Im just getting my stuff" I said and grabbed my towel and wash things along with some clothes.

**Andy's POV**

As soon as Angel was out of the room me and Jinxx got to work on the plan. See we were both very curious as to whether C.C had feelings for Angel or not. We were pretty convinced that he did after volunteering very readily to stay the night with her on the couch to make sure she was ok.

And we always caught them chatting.

And the first few days of her being here he hung out with her all the time.

We didn't know. Maybe he was just feeling close to her as a friend.

But we were about to find out.

"Right. Angel's in the shower?" I asked.

"Yup." Jinxx said.

"Right. You got the plan set?" I asked.

He nodded before shoving me behind the couch.

I fell hard but knew then that C.C had come into the room.

"Have you seen the shaver charger?" C.C asked. "My other shaver is broken so I need to use my other one… but its out of charge…"

I touched the batteries out of C.C's shaver in my pocket and smiled to myself.

"Yeah, its in the bathroom." Jinxx said.

"Damn, someones in there." C.C said. I smiled to myself.

"Yeah, its only Andy, don't worry bout it, man, he wont mind."

"Hmm…" I knew C.C was thinking about it. He wasn't the type to just barge in.

"Dude really, you look weird with that… stubble on your face…" Jinxx said.

"Yeah, ill go get that charger."

I heard him leave the room and then jumped up from behind the couch.

I ran to the bathroom and quietly opened the door. I was met by the sweet sound of Angel singing Sweet Blasphemy. I smiled to myself before taking her towel quietly, turning the video camera on film and left unnoticed.

I smiled at Jinxx before saying "show time."

**C.C's POV**

_Weird. I thought I just changed my shaver batteries, but hey they were already dead. Must be a crappy pair or something. _I thought.

I walked along to the bathroom, shaver in hand and opened the door.

"Andy, its me. Im just gonna have a shave. My shavers broken."

No reply.

_Weird_. I thought.

I saw the shaver charger and plugged my shaver into it, before defogging the mirror and beginning to have a shave.

Soon the shower stopped and the curtain was pulled back.

I looked up in the mirror to see a naked Angel standing there looking stunned for a brief second before yelping and diving back into the shower, pulling the curtain with her.

Stunned myself I dropped the razor and covered my eyes.

Nobody spoke or anything as neither of us knew what to say!

Suddenly a wet head poked out from the shower and said "Um. Where's my towel? And what are you doing in here?"

I stumbled over my words and ended up saying something around the jumbled up lines of **" **_**I came in here to shave and Andy was meant to be In here washing and Im sorry I mean I saw you and I thought it would be andy and holy crap your still naked! Not that that's a problem or anything I mean you look quite nice naked, but that's not the point-HERE HAVE SOME CLOTHES!"**_

It came out in a high pitched squeak, getting louder and squeakier. I ripped off my shirt and handed it to her.

She looked at me for a moment before grabbing it and shoving it over her head and covering up.

She got out of the shower-pulling my T-shirt over her ass and gave me a cheeky grin and wink before leaving the bathroom and leaving me stunned.

**Andy's POV**

About 5 seconds after we had watched that little ordeal, C.C stormed into the lounge still topless.

He stood infront of me looking pissed.

"Whats up?" I asked, shutting my laptop casually.

"Whats up? Really? You know whats up! You set me up to look like a totally perve!"

"I did not." I said, trying to look defensive.

I was doing pretty well until Jinxx burst out laughing and told him we all knew his dirty little secret.

C.C started hitting Jinxx with a pillow and yelling things at him before laughing his face off. "She winked at you though right?"

C.C stopped the pillow in mid air and then looked at me. "You fucking filmed me you bastards!" He yelled and then started hitting both of us with pillows.

Me and jinxx laughed hard and just let it happen.

**Angel's POV**

I went into my room after finding my towel and clothes in the hall and found that the builders had gone and that my window was fixed.

I quickly got changed and was towel drying my hair when I noticed something.

On my bed was another note.

I put my towel on my bed before picking it up.

On the envelope was the 'A Fallen Angel'

I opened it up and read it.

_**You really are beautiful.**_

_**One day I will be strong enough to say that to your face.**_

_**X**_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Well hi there again Kira. Thankyou for the internet cookie! And patience, child, you will find out in good time. Lol Thankyou for reviewing! :D Please keep reviewing and I hope you enjoy!**

**Angel's POV**

It had been about 6 hours since the little bathroom fiasco and I was still chuckling about it. Lunch was very awkward with C.C. Especially because C.C sat directly opposite me. I kept catching him looking at me and when I'd look up his eyes would flit around all over the place, not ever daring to look at me.

I thought it was funny at first, but it was getting a little annoying.

Ashley, Jinxx and jake had gone out to the store before getting ready so I was left in with Andy and C.C.

I was sitting on the couch with Andy, watching T.V.

"Why did you set him up like that?" I asked.

"Who?" He asked absently.

"C.C. I know you tricked him, I heard you guys shouting earlier."

His head snapped up and he flicked off the TV.

"I don't know what you're talking about." HE said, smiling slightly.

"C'mon…" I said, crossing my legs and facing him exactly.

He did the same before smiling and saying "C'mon Angel, don't act like you don't know-he likes you!"

I laughed to myself. "Don't be ridiculous."

"No really!" He said.

Me and Andy sat on the couch just having a laugh for ages. It was about half an hour of just laughing when C.C came in and asked "whats everybody laughing about?"

"Ah, nothing, man. You had to be there." Andy said.

C.C's face fell. "Oh. Right."

I felt bad for him. He just sat down on a chair and turned on the TV.

I smiled at him awkwardly.

He turned off the TV and went back into the bunk room.

"What's with him?" I asked Andy.

"I don't know. He's been acting weird ever since you got here."

"Maybe its that he _doesn't_ like me. Not that he does." I thought aloud.

Andy sat back as if in thought. "I dunno. But when he's in these moods its just better to leave him to his thoughts-he can go totally ape shit."

I nodded and got up. "Im gonna go call my mom or something." I said and left for the bunk room.

I knocked on the door. There was no answer so I just opened the door and went in.

I had only been in the bunk room once, but it was basically a smallish dark room with a load of bunk beds and suitcases leading out the back to their shared walk in wardrobe.

"C.C?" I asked.

The lights were off and I vaguely made out a shape on the top bunk to my left.

I walked closer and he was listening to his ipod with his eyes shut.

I climbed up the ladder and sat at the edge of his bed unnoticed.

After about 5 minutes of being there, I decided to edge a little closer. Again nothing. I was sitting right beside him now.

"C.C?" I said a little louder.

Again nothing. His music was so loud that I could hear every word of it.

I gently removed the ear plug from his ear and he jumped like someone shoved a wasp up his ass!

He also hit his head off the ceiling.

I laughed and he turned off his ipod.

"Whats up." He said.

"Well I could ask you the same question…" I said.

He sighed. "I don't know what you're talking about." He said and put his headphones back in.

I took them back out. "Well then I'll tell you what im talking about. You've been damn weird ever since I got here and I know you aren't like that in real life. You aren't all agro and awkward- I know you aren't-I follow your twitter and watch interviews."

"what would you know?" He snapped. "What, are you like some kind of freaky dying kid?"

"Don say that." I mumbled.

"Well its true! You act like youre fine but fuck, angel, ive seen the new cuts on your wrists since you've been here! You know your dying and it scares the shit outta you! You cant take it! Y'know maybe this was your one dream and you are a good kid, but I don't think you should be here. Just go home, kid." With that he shoved his earphones in his ears and turned it up loud.

My eyes filled with tears and I jumped off the top of the bunk and left the room slamming the door behind me.

I slammed my bedroom door shut and reached for the nearest set of blades.

But I didn't cut. I knew I was stronger than that. Instead I just punched the wall and screamed in frusteration.

I would not cut.

I went through to the lounge area and Andy met me in the hall and caught me by the shoulders.

"Whats going on?" He asked.

"Nothing." I said bitterly and he let go.

I threw open the tour bus door and slammed it shut after me.

Andy opened the door a few seconds after and called "Angel? Where are you going?"

"For a walk." I mumbled.

Of course he hadn't heard. But I didn't care.

That's when it hit me.

I wasn't angry at C.C. I wasn't angry at all.

I was shocked. Because C.C was right. I was dying. And whilst it had already hit me once. It was hitting me again.

But this time a lot harder.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello! Its another one. Please Read and Review! Xxx**

**Andy's POV**

After about 15 minutes, I realised that Angel probably was lost.

I tried ringing her cell but nothing. And the guys weren't back yet.

I knew C.C had something to do with her suddenly leaving so I went into the bunk room and turned on the light.

He winced.

"What now Angel?" He mumbled. "look, im sorry for being such a dick earlier—"  
>"I knew you had something to do with it!"<p>

"What?" He sat up and looked at me "Oh damn."

"Look, Angel's gone." I said.

"_**What?**_" he yelped.

"Did she say anything about where she was going to you?"

"no." He said, and ran his fingers through his hair before throwing his arms down in frustration.

"Right. We are going looking for her. Now." I said.

He got out of his bunk and got some shoes on. "Where we gonna start?" HE asked.

"No idea."

…..

**Angel's POV**

I sat on the corner of the street with my thumb jabbed towards the sky.

I needed a ride back home.

Several people had already came up to me and asked me how much I was an hour, or used some sleazy pick up line.

They had all in turn spat on me or kicked me or something.

About half an hour in and my arm felt like lead. I couldn't hold it up any longer so I just gave up and sat on the street corner crying.

Somebody finally approached and sat down beside me.

I looked up, the tears clouding my vision. "Angel, I told your Mom that I would look after you and take care of you with my life. When I make a promise, I keep it."

"C.C's right. I'm dying." I cried.

Andy moved closer and hugged me. "You may be dying, Angel, but you have plenty of time! C.C just turned into a total dick. He does that sometimes. Don't let it bother you."  
>"But Andy—I don't <em>want<em> to die! I thought I was mature enough to take it, but _fuck_ im not. I don't want to die at all. I will take chemo I would do _**anything**_…. For just a little more time…"

**Andy's POV**

"But Andy—I don't _want_ to die! I thought it was mature enough to take it, but _fuck_ im not. I don't want to die at all. I will take chemo I would do _**anything**_…. For just a little more time…"

I made a promise to myself right then. I would help her. If I couldn't fine a way to make her better I would do my all to try.

I drew away and wiped away her tears.

She looked up at me helplessly and for the first time since meeting her I truly felt her pain. I felt how she felt just by looking into her eyes.

"I will help you." I said and found a lump in my throat.

I got up and took her hand.

She got up too and we slowly walked back to the bus by which time all the guys were back.

**Angel's POV**

The guys were back now.

Andy walked on the bus and I could see that C.C was very stressed. He was pacing and just looking totally overwhelmed all together. The guys were sitting on couches looking a little panicked, but nowhere near as bad as C.C.

"Did you find her?" He asked Andy, and his voice was shaky.

Andy stayed silent.

"Oh god, Andy tell me you found her." And I swear I saw a tear in his eye.

Andy stepped aside and I stepped onto the bus, eyes red rimmed from crying.

C.C. lurched forward and held me tight to him.

"Im so sorry." He whispered.

I was startled at first.

This was the first time C.C had really shown emotion in front of me.

I hugged back and for a moment we just stayed there.

…

**At the concert**

The concert went well. It was fun. I got to help backstage so I heard and saw most of the act. They kick ass live, they really do.

At the end of the concert Andy brought me out and people booed and hissed, but some people cheered. I couldn't see who-the lights were so bright, but a few people did, and that stopped the booing. Andy made a cute little speech and then said at the end "She's our Fallen Angel."

There was a meet and greet at the end, but some people were trying to hurt me so it finished early.

…

C.C was first through the shower and we were all hungry, so the two of us went to get food after the show.

I sat with him in the store waiting for our order to be put through and cooked.

It was a little awkward considering we hadn't spoken since the hug.

I looked to the floor.

"Im sorry." He said.

"I know." I said. "Im sorry too."  
>"What for?"<br>"For going into your room and being a pain in general."

"Angel, I didn't mean it." He said.

"No its fine. I am dying."

"I know, but I shouldn't have said the things I did, it was stupid…"

"…Why did you say it?"

He opened his mouth then shut it again.

"I don't get it." I said. "You seem like you hate me so much—"

"I don't hate you." He said. "i…Look… When I was about your age, there was this girl – a lot like you, actually. She was perfect. I loved her…."

"… Soo what happened?"

"She died." He looked at me, eyes filled with pain.

"Im sorry—"  
>"Don't be. There was nothing I could do… She just slipped away… She had cancer… But it just consumed her... She kept telling herself she didn't - That there would be a cure one day… She thought she was immortal to some degree I suppose…. When it finally hit her that she was going to die… She just got worse. First she was in denial like always but a few days later she just couldn't do it anymore…. She killed herself..."<p>

There was a long silence and I was sure he was about to cry but he didn't.

He looked up at me, tears clinging to his eyes. "I swear, you look just like her…"


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Ello me dearies! Lol its another chapter! Quite a bit of dialogue in this one.**

The words of C.C were still ringing in my head: "I swear, you look just like her"…

We had finished eating and I was in my room getting ready for bed.

I got into a black nightie and brushed my hair out. It was white-blonde, dyed like that, but my hair is naturally blonde. It looked so much better now it was like a goth white though. It was so long now. I began to imagine how I would look without my hair.

I knew it was too late for chemo.

But I wouldn't even care if I had no hair. I wanted to live.

I got out my laptop and went on twitter to see a load more hate mail.

I decided to close down twitter after about 10 minutes. The hate was still coming.

I went on facebook and saw that Lewis was online. I decided to video chat with him. I had called a couple days ago but he wasn't there.

He looked rough.

"Hey Angel." Lewis said and yawned.

"Hi. How are you doing?"

"Alright. What about you?"

I didn't want to lie to him. "Well im being sick a lot more… and I have loads of dizzy spells now."

He smiled weakly but didn't say anything.

"Hows mom and dad?"

"Alright. How are those freaky men you hang out with now?"

"They are cool."

"Look, Angel im drained, I haven't slept very well since you left cause im just really stressed now. When are you coming back?"

"I don't know." I said.

"You have to come back soon-Christian's the only ok one!"

He did look stressed.

I didn't say anything.

His bedroom door creaked open.

"Lewis?"

"You should be in bed."

"That's not what Angel would say." Christian said and I knew he was pulling his determined face.

"What do you want?"

"Can I have a glass of water?"

"Cant you get one yourself?"

"Oh Lewis don't be mean!" I scolded.

"_**ANGEL!**_" Christian cried and jumped onto Lewis' knee.

I waved at him "Hey Sweetie" and smiled.

He grinned at me. "I miss you this much!" He hugged the camera.

I laughed. "I miss you too, honey."

"How much?"

"This much!" I hugged the camera too.

He laughed. "When are you coming back Angel?—"  
>"Yeah when are you coming back?" Lewis butted in, looking pissed off.<p>

"Soon." I smiled.

I honestly didn't know.

"Ill go get your water." Lewis said and picked Christian up and then set him down in his computer chair.

**Andy's POV**

I waited in her doorway for her to get off webchat with her family when her little brother Christian came on.

I didn't want to say anything. Instead, I just had some more of my beer.

Id had a lot of alcohol already.

I watched as she recited her little brothers favourite story over the phone and little Christian chuckled.

I didn't realise at the time, but I began to smile just watching her.

Soon Christian went off to bed and she waved goodbye to him and wished him sweet dreams.

Conversation was not flowing with her and Lewis. So opening another bottle of beer and chugging down I entered her room.

"What's he doing here?" He asked.

"Who—Oh hey Andy!" She smiled at me.

"I am here, to ask you permission to take your little sister to an after party and get her totally wasted." I said, trying not to act tipsy.

"Wait—WHAT?"

"Ok Angel-say bye bye…."

"WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS WITH MY LITTLE SISTER?"

"Bubbye" I said and turned off her webchat.

She giggled.

"Andy, I smell alcohol. How much have you drank?"

"not important-get on a cute little mini dress and im taking you to an after party!"

She laughed. "andy—"

"NO 'BUT'S! Outside in two minutes!"

I left her room and stood outside.

The guys were already hammered. I was least drunk out of all of them.

She took no time at all to get ready.

She came out in a cute little dress and smiled.

"You ready to go?"

She nodded and we left the bus and went to the venue.

Already a little buzzed, I handed her a beer.

She took it and downed it fast.

I knew she shouldn't be having alcohol at all but I had totally forgotten.

A couple hours later and we were all very nicely drunk with women hanging off of us, apart from Angel who had guys hanging off of her.

**Angel's POV**

I was drunk.

Guys were hanging off of me and handing me drinks.

Loud metal music was playing and people were drunk and loud everywhere.

It was a mess of neon lights and vodka shots.

I went over to the bar where Andy was. "ANGEL!" He called even though I was right infront of him.

"Andy, I feel kinda weird." I shouted over the music.

"Welcome to being drunk!" He said and turned around.

Id been drunk a lot before. In fact I used to get drunk all the time before I started feeling ill.

"No, really Andy, I think its my cancer. I forgot I wasn't meant to have alcohol."

"Youll be fine! Stop worrying about it! Nothing can happen to you while im around! I wont let it!"

I smiled at him and he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine.

I was shocked at first, but found myself kissing back.

The kiss was over and I looked into his eyes. He stared back into mine, and we kissed again, but this time with passion. With something more than id ever felt when kissing someone before.

He began kissing my neck and found the pulse point in my neck and began giving me a love bite. I went weak in the knees and he wrapped his arm around my waist.

He stood up and held me close to him.

I felt something in my stomach. Kind of like a spring tightening.

I liked it.

I liked him.

I moaned.

He slid his hand up my dress and that's when I pulled away. "Hold it, mister! I think I need a few more shots first!"

He grinned and called out to the bar tender.

While we were waiting for the shots, some guy grabbed me and told me he wanted to show me something.

He pulled me over to a corner of the bar and whipped his penis out and began slapping it around.

I don't know what he expected, but I just burst out laughing and pointed at it.

He looked insulted before shoving his cock back in his pants and shoving his way past me.

A woman offering out shots came over and offered me the one.

I took two and downed them fast.

Another guy came over.

He was about my age and he knew my name.

He had a kind face and asked me very politely if I wanted to get some air.

A woman with jello shots came over and I took the whole plate before going outside with this guy.

We stood outside in the warm summer night air and I don't remember what we spoke about but we chatted, flirted and did a shit load of shots.

**A/N: Please review and Stay tuned for next chapter when Angel gets a shock! :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: All in good time PainLasts4Ever! Lol have patience, young grasshopper. All will be revealed in good time! :D**

Sunlight crept through my window and woke me up from my sleep like being hit with a hammer.

The first thing that startled me was the headache.

Then that awful feeling in my stomach.

Then the realisation that I didn't remember much about the night before.

Then that Andy kissed me.

Andy six had fucking kissed me.

But the most startling thing of all, I realised, was not that I was lying next to somebody.

Not that I was semi-naked.

It was that it wasn't him.

In fact I barely recognised him as the guy from the club last night.

I would be lying if I said he wasn't attractive. He was very attractive and looked so cute in his sleep.

I was just looking at his face and thinking I recognised him when I knew I had to vomit.

I lurched out of bed and ran into the bathroom.

I knew somebody was in there having a shower but im sure they wouldn't mind concidering it was either that or puking all over their bus.

"Who's that?" said a groggy voice from behind the curtain. I couldn't determine which of the guys it was.

"angel"I managed between dry heaving and then puking again.

"You okay?"

Not that they could see but I nodded.

"Angel?"

I was still puking so I shoved a thumb through the shower curtain and gave them a thumbs up.

The shower stopped and an arm reached out to grab a towel.

I was desperately trying to keep my hair out of the toilet bowl, but with the humidity in the shower room, it was sticking to my face and the condensation on the porcelain.

The shower curtain was pulled back and C.C stepped out of the shower and held my hair back.

My stomach felt like it had ruptured.

It hurt so much and it felt as if someone had poured a PH1 acid into my stomach and just watched as it fizzed away the tissue.

When I had stopped vomiting I wiped my mouth, put the lid down and flushed the toilet.

I felt awful. This wasn't like a hangover. This was like proper illness.

I tried getting up, breathing heavily but just fell.

C.C caught me. "Honey, you look awful. I don't think its just hangover either. I knew I should've stayed sober to make sure you did, Damnit!"

I held on to him trying not to fall over.

"Angel…"  
>"C.C I feel really bad. Im used to hangovers but this really isn't good."<p>

He looked a little concerned, and then said "Can you stand or are you gonna collapse? And why are you in your underwear?"

"I don't even know." I said.

He smiled blankly but then said "Right, im gonna pick you up and take you to your room ok?"

I nodded. It was all I could manage.

He scooped me up bridal style and carried me through to my room.

He opened the door and his face fell as he saw the guy sitting on the edge of my bed, sliding his shirt on.

I looked to the floor, ashamed.

C.C dropped me on my bed and left immediately after, without saying a word.

"….HI…" The boy said.

I looked at him in my underwear. "…..Hi there…."

…

He was called Aiden.

Conversation was awkward at first but soon we were getting along like a house on fire.

He was awesome! We were so alike it was kind of scary and he was absolutely hilarious.

I was still feeling really ill and it turned out he knew a LOT about medicines and natural cures to stuff. He was like a genius hippy but wrapped In a little leather!

I had put on a big tshirt and was getting a little hungry.

He had given me some leaves of something and surprisingly it had settled my stomach. I still felt ill. I was dying of course. But I didn't feel as sick in my stomach.

"Do you wanna get something to eat?" I asked

"Sure."  
>We went through to the kitchen area thing and saw that Andy, Ashley Jinxx and Jake were all sitting and chatting.<p>

"Mornin Angel, oooh whos that?" Ashley teased.

"Morning everyone. And this is Aiden."

He waved.

Andy glared at him and then looked at me.

I smiled weakly at him, but couldn't hold his gaze.

"You guys kicked ass last night." He said and smiled.

The other guys were all welcoming.

"Where's C.C?" I asked jake.

"I dunno, man, hes being all mopey this morning. I think the hangover's got to him."

I shrugged it off.

We stood awkwardly in the lounge making random conversation when a slender girl came through in one of Andy's shirts, towel drying her hair.

Everyone stared at her part from Andy.

She smiled. "oh hi-you must be Angel-ive heard so much about you! Im Andy's girlfriend." She threw her hand out at me.

There was something I didn't trust about her. I slowly turned my head to Andy who smirked a little and nodded.

"Everybody, this is Juliet." He said.

I shook her hand, awkwardly and then said.

"Me and Aiden are…. Starving… so im gonna get some food. Nice meeting you." I said, before taking Aiden by the hand and going into the kitchen.

**A/N: I know everybody has very different opinions of Juliet. I have none but for the purpose of this story I am serving her as the bad guy… or girl… please read and review and tell me what you think! **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: getting a little writers block so I hope this doesn't go too badly. :S please review.**

It had been about a week since the after party.

I still couldn't stop thinking about me and Andy. It's not like we were ever going out.

In all honesty I don't know why I was so bothered about Juliet. Despite her snide remarks most of the time and her slutty attitude, she….. was a person… I guessed…

I sat in my room on the bus, thinking. I would've been hanging out in the lounge but surprise, surprise Juliet was there.

I rolled my eyes at the thought of her.

Just some whore Andy had picked up at an after party.

Urgh.

The worst part about her was that there was no room for her to stay, so I had to share my room with her.

She would take my clothes without asking and Andy would say 'oh I love that on you' and she'd giggle and not even mention that I had actually fucking paid for it.

I hated her.

Aiden had to stay behind at the other venue.

His parents apparently wouldn't let him roadie with us.

It sucked, but I had his number and we texted each other a lot.

It turned out that we were both so drunk we didn't remember what we did the next day, but that unfortunately was a lot unlike me and Andy. I knew Andy remembered, because we hadn't spoken since.

Which was weird. You'd think that living with someone all the time, you'd have to talk to them at some point or another.

But it was apparent that he was avoiding me too, so I thought it only fair to return the favour.

A knock on my door stopped my thinking of how much I despised Juliet.

"Come in" I said.

Ashley came in

"What's up?" I asked.

"Well I was gonna ask you the same thing…" He said.

I rolled my eyes.

"What's this about?" I asked, having a hunch.

He sat on my bed. "You and Andy."

Nope. Not the hunch I had. My eyes shot open. "…What about us…?"

"Look. I know about you two… I know about the club…"

"How?"

"I saw. So did most other people…"

That surprised me.

"You haven't been on twitter have you…?" He asked.

I shook my head no.

"Oh balls. Well this might be a surprise." He held up his phone. There were photos of me and Andy at the club. It was embarrassing but it could've been worse. I shrugged it off.

He showed me the comments.

Again, I shrugged.

He showed me the hate mail towards me. And yet again I shrugged.

He looked at me "Wow. Getting pretty resistant to it."

Without warning he shoved up my sleeves. I hadn't cut in so long and scars were fading.

He smiled and then hugged me. "You stopped cutting."

I nodded over his shoulder.

It was a long hug but it was nice. See with Ashley it was like having a best friend you'd known for years. He was such an easy guy to get along with.

"I know this must be so hard for you. Especially with your cancer." He said over my shoulder. With the word 'cancer' I felt tears spring to me eyes. "And I know that you have been trying so hard with C.C recently, but honestly I think you should just give him some time."

Ashley pulled away and saw me crying. He wiped away my tears and I lied down with my head on his knee and just cried, while he stroked my hair and continued talking. "Honestly, honey, I know he loves you but none of us know why, but hey you should be flattered right? And I know you like Andy. We all do… and we know he likes you. So don't worry about it – things will work out."

I looked up at him. "What about Juliet?" It came out as a sort of crying whisper.

"I know she's being a total bitch to you. All the guys do and we're getting sick of it. Honestly if shes still here in another week, we'll have to do something about it—"  
>"Ashley, she takes my stuff. When nobodies around she is totally horrible to me-you think shes a nasty piece of work when you guys <em>are<em> around, try when you aren't. She steals things, she refers to me as 'chemo-kid'. Honestly, she is making my life hell. Its bad enough she took away the guy I like, but then she takes away my bedroom. I can only be in here when she's sucking face with the guy I should be sucking face with!" I cried.

He stroked my hair. "Don't worry honey, Andy will see sense soon."

…

I spent the night on the couch last night. Once Juliet was there, there was no way of ever settling.

She took the double bed I had been given to stay in so I had to sleep on the floor anyway.

Within a few days I had moved all of my stuff out of that room and had my suitcases in the lounge where I was staying. It was uncomfortable but I really didn't want to complain.

I lay awake thinking of what Ashley had said to me a few days before 'Andy will see sense soon'.

I hoped so.

Just then Andy came through and went into the kitchen, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

He came out with a carton of juice and sat down on the sofa on my legs.

"ow." I said dully.

"_**What the fuck?**_" He yelped and jumped spilling juice all over him and myself.

I sat up.

He turned the light on and looked at me.

"Why are you out here?" he asked.

"Oh so youre talking to me now?"

He rolled his eyes. "What are you doing Angel, we gave you a bedroom."

"Yeah, same bedroom you allocated to mademoiselle whore-bag in there" I said sarcastically.

"Don't talk about Juliet like that!" He hissed.

"Well you knew who I was talking about."

He said nothing apart from "you still haven't answered my question."

I didn't want to tell him that his girlfriend was making my shortened life hell so I just said "It was getting cramped."

There was an awkward silence, when he said "Well your choice." Before going back into the kitchen and putting the juice away"

When he came back through he was just about to turn the light off when he stopped and said "Why are you even still awake?"

"I could ask you the same."

"Urgh. Why do you have to be so damn difficult?"

I looked down at the blanket. Same question everybody asked me.

I thought I better answer his question instead of pissing him off further.

"I cant sleep." I said.

He said nothing.

HE left turnin off the light and I heard nothing from him the rest of the night.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Please leave reviews! Thankyou! ^_^**

**Andy's POV**

I lay awake that night trying to stop the war between my brain and my heart: Go to Angel. Don't do to Angel.

Either way I knew I'd hurt her. And I knew I would hurt her, whatever choice I made tonight.

So I lay in my bunk, knowing all the other guys were asleep, (apart from C.C) who I don't think had slept properly since Angel had got here.

I knew he liked her.

I knew he had since the moment he saw her.

I liked her. I wasn't going to deny it. At least not to myself.

But truth is I got so jealous of her and Aiden. And they turned out to be just friends.

I honestly felt pathetic.

Juliet wasn't hard to pick up. She was all for a name and not for the person inside.

But she was hell to get rid of!

I had tried so many things.

We were a supposed couple, yet we didn't even share the same room.

I had only had sex with her once, and that was when I was totally drunk.

The words of Angel rang through my head.

On her second day here we were just sitting chatting, me her and the guys, and Ashley had made a remark to the effect of 'Watch out – Andy's a heartbreaker' as a joke, and she had laughed, smiled at me and then said 'oh I don't think you could break anyone's heart. You're a good guy'.

Well, so much for being a good guy.

**Angel's POV**

I lay awake and thought over things.

Why was he doing this?

I didn't understand.

But he seemed totally in love with Juliet.

I guessed the only thing I could do was try and forget about him.

Which I knew wouldn't work.

Urgh.

There was no way I could get rid of this feeling. I knew there wasn't.

I mean id had relationships before. But I had never felt this. I didn't believe in love, but im sure that this came close.

It hurt.

It really hurt.

Whenever I saw them together I felt like somebody had punched a hole in my chest.

And so I spent the whole night crying.  
>It was about 7 in the morning when there were signs of movement.<p>

I was wiping away a few tears when Juliet and Andy came giggling through, all hands on each other like bloody squids!

They began snogging each other in front of me when Juliet saw me over his shoulder.

She pulled away and they both turned to look at me.

"Its fine, I was just leaving" I said, picked up my blanket and pillow and went back into my room.

I was just going into the kitchen to get some breakfast before the lovey dovey couple got there, but found I was too late. I heard them talking. About me.

"Why does she keep staring at me like that Andy?" Juliet whined.

"I don't know, just don't let it bother you." He said, and I could hear annoyance in his voice.

"You always act differently when she's around. You act like you really like me and then as soon as shes gone you act like the mere thought of me pisses you off!"

"Look im just tired is all. I didn't sleep very well last night."

"That's cause you didn't see me beforehand…" She said in her slutty voice.

He didn't pick up the innuendo, although im sure he understood it.

"Andy!" She whined even louder "Its like you don't even love me anymore!"

"love? When did I ever say love?"

"….You didn't... But Andy she gets to me she just does!"

"Well don't let her!" He yelled. "Look…" he was calming himself down now "I don't love her. She's just a stupid little kid. She doesn't know anything."

I had to stop listening. They could go on for hours.

I walked down the hall tears one again clouding my eyes.

As I was walking down the hall I bumped into Jake who was on his way to the shower.

"Whoa, missy." He said and grabbed me by the shoulders. "Hey, whats wrong?"

I shook my head and tried to wriggle away. His grip tightened before he hugged me tight and I just began to sob.

He stroked my hair and tried comforting me.

"C'mon." He said, and guided me into the bunk room.

All the guys of course whirled around and then surrounded me and hugged me and asked what was wrong.

Jake sat me down and then turned around to face the other guys who met him with questions.

"Im not really sure…" jake said.

Ashley came and sat by me, holding me close to him and then said "I think I know what this is about."

The guys looked at him and he told them what had happened.

They were all pissed off about it and very comforting.

I was lying down on Ashley's bed crying so hard it actually made me want to be sick, with the guys just staring at me in pity.

The door opened and in came Andy.

All heads turned and stared at him.

He looked around at all of us in turn and then me, not even bothering to stop myself crying.

"Why's everybody so…. Depressed in here?" Andy asked, trying to fake a laugh.

All the guys just looked at him. Then to me.

I got up and left, streams running down my face. Ashley took my hand for a brief second and I faked a smile back to him and left abruptly, shoving past Andy.

I paused to look through the cack in the door.

"What…." Andy said.

"You know what." Jinxx said

"…Oh I get it…" Andy said "You all don't like the fact that I invited Juliet to tour with us."

"No, we don't like Juliet." Jake said, plainly.

"At all." Ashley added.

"…Well I just think that's pathetic. You don't even know her—"  
>"Neither do you!" C.C yelled from his bunk.<p>

The guys looked to C.C who had been quiet.

"Oh for gods sake, Andy, you only met her in a fucking bar - if you cant at least admit that your kidding yourself, then at least look at what its doing to Angel! Man, you are fucking with her mind, and its not fair!"  
>Andy said nothing.<p>

"Man, its lower than low what youre doing and you know it is. So deal with it." C.C said. He got off his bunk and then grabbed his shower stuff "Im gettin' a shower."

I had to run back to my room so that C.C didn't catch me eavesdropping.

When I went in there I got pinned against a wall and a fist choking my throat.

My head hit the wall and I saw Juliet in my face, breathing heavily with sweat on her brow. "I know what youre doing, bitch!" She hissed at me, her grip so tight, it was actually cutting off my air supply. "And I wont let you. I wont let you take him away from me. You watch-if you don't get out of here at the next stop off, I swear to God, I will fuck you up. You will not take my one chance at fame away from me—"  
>A fist clobbered her round the head and she fell away from me, getting knocked out by her head whacking off the floor.<p>

I fell to my knees and grabbed my throat, gasping for air.

"Angel?" I heard, still gasping, but no air getting in. "Angel are you ok?..."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Lol . That actually made me lol Anyways – very short chapter coming up but my computer is about to log me out! Please review-I hope you like it! **

I woke up in hospital.

I hate hospitals.

Always have.

I looked around me. Nobody, except Lewis asleep in the chair.

_It was a dream…. It was all a fucking dream…_ Were my thoughts.

I was crying. The best days of my life were a dream.

A nurse came in and Lewis woke up.  
>They ran some checks on me, told me they needed to do a few tests on me but would phone me the results some time.<p>

The nurse told me I was free to go.

Lewis came up to me and sat on my bed. He gave me a hug. "As weird as this is…" He started "It feels so good to hug you again. Im so glad your safe."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

He looked at me funny but then passed me my clothes.

"I'll get out of your way so you can get changed and we can get the hell outta here. It's good to see you sis."

"Its good to see you too, Lewis." I smiled.

He left the room and I got changed very quickly and quickly made up the bed.

There was a bag by the chair which had my stuff in it so I picked it up.

I walked out the door and shut it after me.

Turning the corner couldn't have been a weirder feeling.

There sat the Black veil Brides, all looking concerned.

All heads down at the ground or faced away from me.

The main face I searched for wasn't there.

Andy wasn't there.

I stood in the hall knowing right then that it hadn't been a dream. That it was real. Nobody had turned around yet.

I started walking again when I was met by an "_**AAANGEEELLL!**_".

Christian sped towards me at lightning speed and just about knocked me over, hugging my knees like he always used to.

I scooped him up and cuddled him.

"I knew id see you again." He said.

I carried him along the hall where the guys were looking at me, standing up ad waiting to greet me.

I got to the end of the hall and was met by plenty of "Angel" and "How ya feelin'" etc.

I nodded and smiled, said I felt ok.

I had a few minutes with lewis and Christian before I had to go back with the guys to the bus.

They were parked in the furthest away car park of the hospital and as I was walking there, we made small talk. The guys asked me questions, I answered.

But there was one question burning in my brain that wouldn't go away.

We reached the tour bus and the guys let me go in first.

I pushed open the door and saw Andy sitting in the middle of the couch looking troubled, blowing smoke out of his mouth.

He saw me and stood up "Angel…" He trailed.

I stood in the doorway, my bag in my hand, my heart in my mouth.

I looked at him, the nerves making my pulse beat loudly in my head.

One question.

The one question that would make or break my time with them. The one question that could either raise me over the moon or shoot me through the heart.

That single question which determined whether the rest of my little life was worth living or not.

"What of Juliet…?" I managed.

He opened his mouth to talk, when Juliet strode round the corner, holding two of my dresses up. "which do you think?" She asked Andy. "This one or this one?"

HE looked at me, his eyes pleading me not to be mad.

No tears came.

She turned around "Oh Angel! Thank God you're ok-we've been so worried, haven't we baby?" She looked to Andy who nodded.

Well the one question was answered.

The one question to which the answer shot me through the heart.

The one question which determined that my life wasn't worth it.  
>At least not to him.<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry if I wont be able to upload very often-my internet keeps being an idiot and turning itself off or crashing or whatever. Its so annoying. Grrr. So anyway. Please review! **

Its been three days since I got out of hospital and had my heart smashed.

For the last 2 days I had literally sat in the bunk room and cried my eyes out. I didn't even go to the shows.

Andy had moved into my room so he could share a room with Juliet.

Every night when I went to sleep all I could think about was him. In my room. With her.

The pillow still smelt of him. Aftershave and cigarettes but it still smelt like Andy. Nothing could smell more comforting yet bring tears to my eyes.

But it was day 3 and I had got up in the morning after another sleepless night and told myself I wouldn't care. Or at the very least I wouldn't show him I did.

I had done my best to avoid him that morning.

I was sure that he was having a shower with Juliet (they did that in the morning and when they were…. Together in the shower it got loud. The guys got really pissed off about it.) I went into the kitchen to get a snack and opened the fridge.

For the first time since Juliet arrived I had an appetite.

I got out a load of stuff and made myself some French toast. I was just sitting down to eat it when Jake came in. "Damn something smells good." He said, eyeing up my breakfast.

His stomach grumbled loudly.

I shoved the plate over to him and said "You have it, I can make more."

I had made myself more and was drowning it in maple syrup and strawberries when Andy called through, saying "Hey Jinxx, you wanna put some of that aside for me im starving!"

I said nothing and neither did Jake so Andy came through, towel drying his main of black hair, thinking nobody heard. "Jinxx, you—"

He stopped when he saw me at the table.

He came fully into the kitchen and his stomach grumbled loudly too. If there was one thing I had noticed about living with the guys it was that they were ALWAYS HUNGRY!

He looked a little awkward before asking Jake if there was any left over.

"I dunno, I didn't make it." He said.

"Who did?"

"Angel."

I smiled awkwardly. Andy barely looked at me before looking at the floor, then the walls then the floor again and then my food.

"I can make you some if you want." I said, quietly.

He nodded. "Yeah, that'd be great."

"I think I left my… uh.. socks out…." Jake said, taking his plate and leaving.

I turned around to the stove and didn't look at Andy, although I knew he had taken Jake's seat.

"How many pieces do you want?" I asked

"…6…"

I laughed to myself, quietly. I hadn't forgotten that Andy liked a mountain of food.

Getting everything ready, I began to make him breakfast. "You want maple syrup?"

"Yeah…"  
>"Its in the fridge, can you get it out?"<br>"sure…"  
>He opened the fridge door, standing right beside me. "… Look, Angel…I…"<p>

I looked at him, briefly smiling before turning my head away and pretending to be deeply involved with cooking.

"Angel… I've noticed you've been… kinda depressed recently…" he started.

"Yeah, well I get like that sometimes, im ok now, don't worry about." I slid his stack of French toast onto a plate.

"…And I thought it best… if maybe…" He took a deep breath slamming the fridge. "…If maybe you went home for a while…"

I whirled around facing him. "What? Why?"

"Its not for long, just as long as… well we will come pick you up again when we can… ive already called your parents and arranged everything. They'll pick you up after the show next Thursday."  
>I opened my mouth then shut it again. Just then Juliet came in.<p>

"Somethin' smells good" She said "Anythin' left for me?"

I left the room straight away and made my way towards the bunk room.

I threw open the door before slamming it shut again after me.

"What happened?" Ashley asked.

I looked up at him, before feeling tears run down my face uncontrollably. "Andy's sending me home." I managed.

"What?" I heard from the bunk above me and C.C's head came into view.

Ashley walked past me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder before walking straight out of the bunk room, shortly followed by C.C, who shut the door leaving me by myself.

I felt as if my world was collapsing around me.

BVB were my life, and they were sending me home.

I let myself fall to the floor crying out loud, and heard the guys shouting.

"Whats going on?" I heard one of them say.

"Andy's sending Angel home is whats going on!" Ashley yelled.

I crawled into my bunk and reached under the pillow.

A razor.

My oldest friend.

I looked at it. It was still stained with blood from our previous encounter. I hadn't cut in so long.

I found myself calming down quite a bit with each stroke of the blade against my wrists.

Cutting up instead of across I knew then that this was the only thing I could do.

Blood began welling almost as soon as the blade touched my forearm. I didn't care.

It sent a sort of shiver up and down my spine that I felt comforting in the cold and numb depression I had begun to feel.

Once I had finished, I got a few things and out them into a rucksack.

I stood in the doorway knowing I had to leave most of my things behind.

I just packed the essentials.

My scrapbook album of my time here, Andy's pillow case, one of Andy's leather jackets he had given me to compensate for the one ripped up by his fans, my ipod and my razor.

Putting on my boots, I walked as quietly as I could down the hall, not even caring that my blood was dripping onto the floor.

Somebody began walking down the hall. Juliet.

She looked at me in horror, and I was sure she was going to scream.

I approached her cautiously and she did scream.

Her scream was cut short however by me knocking her out.

Damn.

Now they knew I was leaving.

I stepped over her and began walking through the lounge when C.C ran towards me going. "no. Oh no…"

I fell back from the dizziness.

He grabbed my wrists and then through them down, the blood on his hands, and then ran his fingers through his hair stressed before yelling "**ASHLEY I NEED YOU IN HERE **_**NOW**_!"

He looked down at me, leaning against something.

"Angel…" He whispered, tears in his eyes. I knew this brought back painful memories for him.

"Come with me" I said quietly.

He looked back towards the hall where Ashley was coming, being pestered by Andy to just listen to him, but he kept shoving him off and was yelling "I don't wanna hear it!"

C.C then looked back at me before grabbing his jacket and shoving me out the door, closing it behind him.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello its another chapter! Please review!**

**Andy's POV**

I walked down the hall, following Ashley, trying to make him see why we had to send her home.

We got to the lounge when Ashley stopped and stared.

I followed his gaze and watched as my drummer and my girl walked out the door.

We stood there stunned for a few seconds before we watched them get into a cab and the cab drive away.

"_**FUCK!**_" We both yelled.

**C.C's POV**

I bundled her into the back of a cab and told the cab driver to get us to the hospital.

She lay down on my lap, losing vast amounts of blood and the colour in her face drained.

I stroked her hair out of her face and kept stroking her hair.

She began to cry and I wiped away her tears.  
>We were at the hospital in no time. I threw a hundred dollar bill at the cab driver before carrying Angel out bridal style.<p>

I knew she had lost too much blood to be able to stand.

I went straight into the emergency room where there was barely anyone there.  
>Carrying her up to the desk, I quickly got the attention of the receptionist who went "holy crap!" before pressing a button.<p>

Soon, they had her in a bed and where wheeling her to the emergency room.

**Andy's POV**

Ashley dialled the cab company's number and tried to trace where they had ran away to while I went into Angel's old room and saw Juliet passed out right in front of it.

There was blood all over the floor, and I soon found out It wasn't Juliets.

Which meant one thing.

It had to be Angel's.

"Shit."

Picking Juliet up, she woke up almost straight away.

I threw her onto Angels old bed and she said "Andy-she hit me." And began crying.

"Save it." I said, annoyed.

**C.C's POV**

Waiting in the waiting room it felt like years before the doctor finally came out.

I stood up and began walking towards him.

"Is she alright?" I asked, frantically. "Please tell me shes alive."  
>"Mr…"<p>

"C.C. Call me C.C"

The doctor glowered at me from over the tops of his glasses as if to say 'I will not call you that'

"Christian then." I sighed.

"Christian, Im afraid I have some bad news."

"What?" I yelped. "She's alive right? Please say she made it!"

**Andy's POV**

Juliet cried and then slapped me.

"FUCK YOU!" She yelled before getting off the bus and getting a cab with all her stuff.

Well, that was one problem out of the way.

I went back into the lounge "Ashley, have they traced the cab yet?"

"No." He said. He was sitting on the couch. He just shook his head at me.

"You really fucked up this time." He said, before leaving me standing alone in the lounge.

**C.C's POV**

"She made it, but only just. You may see her, but you must wear gloves and a mask if you go in. She may still be unconscious, in which case you should not attempt to wake her, she needs rest—"

"Thanks –"  
>"But…" The doctor said.<p>

"But?" I winced.

"But her cancer has progressed."

"Shit." I said, under my breath.

"Why isn't she having treatment?" the doctor asked.

"Well she got told by the doctor who diagnosed her that she was too late for the treatment." I said.

"Give me the name of the doctor and the hospitals address, he's fired." The doctor said flatly.

"Ill get it off her, she'll know."

"You may want to speak to her about getting chemotherapy and having some operations." He said.

"You mean she _can_ be cured?" I asked hopeful.

"We don't make promises, Christian, but she should be having treatment." He said, smiling slightly.

"Where do I go to get gloved up?" I asked, not helping the smile on my face.

"5th door on the right." The doctor said and smiled.

**Andy's POV**

If nobody could trace her down, I would.

I called up the cab company's number and told them it was urgent.

It took them about 20 minutes to put me through to the cab driver that had driven them.

"Hello, my name is Andy six, two of my friends went in your cab. One of them with whacky black hair, and then there was a girl with white-blonde hair-where did you take them?"

After ID checks and all that crap, they finally told me where she was.

In a hospital.

I went into the bunk room to find all the guys looking stressed and a little bummed out.

"Ash, I found her."

"Where is she-is she ok?"

I winced. "She's in hospital. I think we can now assume that the blood in the hall is hers…"  
>"Fuck."<p>

**C.C's POV**

I was all gloved, masked and weird hospital safety aproned up.

I opened the door to her hospital room to find a drip bag full of blood leading down to the back of her hand. Her arms were all bandaged up so no wonder they didn't put it in there.

She looked up at me and I came towards her.

"Im so sorry." She said, her eyes wet with tears.

"Don't be sorry." I said.

She nodded. "What the hell are you wearing?"

I smiled. "I have to wear this to come and see you."

"Please don't tell them where we are…" She said.  
>"I wont." I put my hand over hers. "Until you say stop, I'll keep running with you." <p>

**Andy's POV**

Me and the guys all fit into one cab. Granted it was cramped in the back, and Ashley had called shotgun, so I was in the back, squished against a window.

_Angel, please be ok_. I thought to myself. _Please, please __**Please!**_ _Just wait for me. Im coming for you._

**C.C's POV**

I went out of the room to see the doctor and see when she could be discharged.

I still hadn't told her yet.

I didn't want to get her hopes high.

I was speaking to the doctor about the therapy when Andy burst through the door.

He ran up to me, and stopped, out of breath.

"Where… Angel… Is she …"

I looked at the doctor, who led him up the corridor.

**Andy's POV**

I had just been told about Angel's case. She could have therapy. She was alright, but only just. Etc etc.

Only thing on my mind, was getting in that room and seeing if she was ok.

I was all gloved, masked and aproned up and feeling like a total idiot when I burst through her door.

She sat up in her bed and looked at me, confused.

I walked into her room.

"How'd you get here?" she cried.

"I traced your cab. Took me forever."

She nodded.

"Where's C.C?"

"He's outside."

"Can I –"

"We should talk first…"

**Angel's POV  
><strong>"We should talk first…" Andy said.

My stomach lurched.

He was going to tell me that my parents were outside. That I was going home now instead of next Thursday.

That I wasn't going to come back to see them again.

Maybe he was going to tell me that him and Juliet were engaged.

Or that he had got her pregnant.

Or something else that was horrible enough to make me want to curl up and die.

"What's there to talk about?" I managed, hearing my voice break a little, and trying to stop myself from crying.

"Angel, I love you."

I was shocked, and I felt like I had been punched through the chest yet again.

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

I cried.

I don't know why, I suppose my hormones were totally on edge.

I looked up to him and could see tears in his eyes.

"I love you." He repeated.

Again I couldn't say anything.

I was shocked.  
>He threw his arms in the air, as if in defeat and walked out the room with a notable lump in his throat and tears coming down his face.<p>

As soon as he was out of the room I cried freely.

Why hadn't I told him I loved him back? I didn't know. I didn't know why I couldn't find those words.

All I felt was confusion and pain.

So I cried.

And cried.

Getting up, I moved the drip bag along with me to get Andy's pillow case out of the rucksack, setting the rucksack on the chair.

Taking the pillow case with me I got back in my bed and went to sleep inhaling Andy and wishing he was there.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I hope you like it! Please review. Andy is nearly 20 in this story. I know he is 20 right now, but whatever.**

**C.C's POV**

I watched that door until Andy came back out.

I walked straight up to him, intending to punch him square in the nose, when I saw him crying.

I'd known Andy for years, been with him 24/7 for years on tour and never once seen him cry.

I stopped, and he pushed me out of the way, and said "She hates me."  
>Considering we all knew that she was in love with him, I knew that wasn't right so I went into her room and saw her asleep, holding a pillowcase.<p>

Tear lines were down her face.

I went to sit down in the chair, picking her rucksack up.

It was open and I couldn't help looking in it.

There was a scrapbook album of all our times together.

Opening the book I saw pictures and tickets to our concerts, and the bracelet pass into the after parties.

Little things like cool bottle caps that had out name on them, from the venues.

Looking through it, she hadn't missed a thing out.

Even kissing Andy at the club.

She had printed out all the pictures people had taken of any of us with her, even if it was just in popeyes chicken, she had gone onto twitter and printed them out. All of them.

I went outside feeling angry at Andy – how could he think that Angel hated him? It was as plain as day that she loved him!

I took her scrapbook out, and threw it into his lap.

"Now say she hates you." I said coldly.

He opened it up and went through each page, looking through the photos, smiling occasionally.

He shut the book and stood up, and without a word he left for Angel's room, shoving the hospital mask back over his mouth.

**Andy's POV  
><strong>I opened her hospital room door and saw her asleep cuddling my pillow case.

I watched her sleep for a little while, before sitting down in the chair.

I saw that her rucksack was open and decided to have a look at what she had brought for the road.

There was the scrapbook which I had in my hand, there was obviously the pillow case she was cuddling.

I picked up the rucksack and saw the leather jacket I had given her, her ipod and her razor.

I picked the razor up, wondering if it was the same one she had used to attempt suicide, and sure enough it was. The entire blade, even the handle was drenched in blood. The blood was still sticky.

"Shit, Angel." I muttered.

I put the things back in her rucksack and dropped it on the floor, which made a noise.

"shit." I muttered.

She stirred and opened her weary eyes.

"Andy?" She mumbled.

I nodded.

I stood up and went over to her bed, leaning over to talk to her. Maybe she would be more like herself now and less in shock.

"Im sorry." She cried.

"What for?" I asked.

"Everything…" she said.

I shook my head "Don't be."

I knew nobody had told her about

I looked into her eyes and saw nothing but pain.

Seeing her like that put an ache in my heart.

Seeing her in this hospital attached to a blood bag with bandages on her wrists made me want to cry.

And I did.

At first I was embarrassed to cry in front of her and turned to leave, croaking something about coming back in a minute.

I felt a hand grab mine softly.

I turned around and saw her reaching up to me.

It felt awful not being able to hold her.

"Fuck it" I said and threw off the hospital mask, and kissed her.

**Angel's POV**

The smell of Andy filled my head and made me feel dizzy.

I loved being near him.

The kiss seemed to fill my whole world.

When he drew away, I saw tears down his face and he didn't look like a 19 nearly 20 year old man, he looked like a boy who was lost and had just been found.

He pulled me in for another and then we cuddled.

"I love you too." I whispered and he squeezed me even tighter.

For ages we just stayed like that.

Then I drew away so I could move to the edge of my bed and he could sit on it with me.

We sat and talked for a while until the Ashley popped his head around the door and said "Can I talk with Angel for a sec?"

Andy nodded and then kissed me on the forehead before striding out with a little smile in his eyes.

Ashley looked at him a little funny, and then gave me a look.

"What the hell?" He said.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: well considering the chapter competition thing was a total fail, I decided to just write the next chapter myself lol. Sorry its so short, but on top of all the stress im really having bad writers block, so please leave a review and tell me what you think! ^_^**

I explained the situation to Ashley, who raised his eyebrows and then nodded slowly. "What about C.C?" He asked.

I hadn't thought of C.C. I guessed being in love with Andy had made it totally skip my mind.

Ashley must have seen it in my face because he said "Look, I don't wanna make you feel bad, but C.C's out there crying, man. He came with you here and…"

"I'll talk to him." I said.

Ashley nodded, hugged me and then left.

Shortly after C.C came in, his eyes red and puffy. "Honey, how are you?" He asked, clearly trying to control his voice, but it was still shaky.

"Im… ok…" I said.

There was an awkward silence and I opened my mouth to tell him about me and Andy but didn't know what to say or where to start.

"I know." He said, and looked down, his hair falling over his face.

I didn't say anything, just played with the blankets on my bed, awkwardly, feeling guilty.

"Im sorry." I said, looking up at him and saw a tear fall down his cheek, his eyes still hidden by his mass of hair.

He said nothing and I didn't expect him to.

He just sat. And cried. I got up and walked over to the chair, where he held his head in his hand, his shoulders rising and falling with every jagged and raspy breath.

I stood in front of him and gently took his hand away from his face, and he looked up at me with a pitiful look in his eyes.

I pulled at his jacket and he stood up, and embraced me so fast and hard that I nearly fell backwards.

I loved the smell of C.C.

I always had. There was just so comforting about him.

But nevertheless I was with Andy now.

"I love you." He whispered, his hand against the back of my head.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and stuck it out, feeling guilty and awful.

We stayed like that for ages, until finally C.C broke away.

I sat back on my hospital bed and he sat back in his chair.

There was an awkward silence and then he looked up and said about my book.

The scrapbook I had made for every single second of my time with them.

I blushed, as I hadn't intended any to see it, but hey, im glad he liked it.

So me and C.C just talked, trying to ignore the huge awkwardness that now filled the room and as I would soon realise, would fill very part of my time with them.

We continued as if nothing had ever happened.

That he had never loved me and to a certain extent that I never loved him, and that I had never slit my wrists.

On and on like always, nothing stopping C.C from making a joke. And soon we were almost there- almost back to normal.

That was when he told me what the doctor had told him.

That my cancer had progressed.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hello again guys, please keep reviewing. Hope you enjoy it!**

It was about 6:30 AM, and I was up and about after a painful, long and sleepless night, trying to tidy up the hospital room. I needed something to do.

I had been told about the chemotherapy and jumped at the chance.

And when I found out that the guys were planning on getting the doctor that told me it was terminal fired, I laughed out loud.

He had been my family doctor since I could walk, and I hated him.

Once the room was as clean as it could be, I just sat on my bed, waiting to be discharged.

At about 10:38 the nurses came in with a breakfast tray and I didn't eat it.

At about 11 they came back in to take it away.

It was only at half 12 when the doctor came in and told me that I could be discharged.

I was so relieved I actually laughed.  
>Andy came in and picked me up in a taxi and we went back to the tour bus.<p>

I walked onto the bus and as soon as the door opened, I was met by plenty of hugs.

I smiled, relieved that I hadn't actually died, and that I was alive to stay with the guys. But also glad that I could have chemo. I had been told about it by the doctor and Andy explained things in the car.

I was going to live.

Andy then said that me and Jinxx needed to go to the supermarket to get some stuff.

There was a Walgreens not too far from where we were, so we walked there. It took about half an hour, but I didn't mind, Jake and Jinxx kept conversation flowing and it was fine.

We walked around for a while, not actually looking for anything in particular. "What are we looking for?" I asked, and Jinxx looked at Jake, who then looked back a with a look on his face that if it could speak, im sure It wouldve said 'aw crap'.

"Guys, whats going on…?" I asked.

They stopped, and shared the look again, before Jake said "Lets just get some stuff and then get her back to the bus…" he said.

Despite my pressing them to, neither of them told me what was going on. Not at all.

So we shopped around for an hour or so until I got so bored, I actually nearly started crying. I was in pain, tired and so, so bored.

We finally got back to the bus and when I stepped on it, all the other guys were sitting around in the living room. And my family were there.

Christian ran up to me and hugged me so hard he nearly knocked me back.

I hugged him back of course, but looked baffled all the same.

Lewis came up to me too and hugged me, when Christian let go and Mom and Dad just looked so happy to see me.

I was happy to see them too, but…

"What are you guys doing here?" I said finally.

Mom looked at Dad.

Dad looked at Lewis.

Lewis looked at Andy.

Andy looked at me. "You're going home."

My mouth dropped. "What? WHY?!"

"I think its best if you go home for a while" He said, and with that, he turned around and walked into the bunk room.

Lewis let go and picked up Christian. I looked at the guys, who looked at the floor and Ashley said "We told him not to…"

I walked straight into the bunk room and Andy just stood in the room with his back facing me.

"Andy, why…" I managed.

"I think its for the best" He said simply, and with no emotion in his voice.

"How can you say that? I want to be here with you."

He said nothing.

"Andy what about us?" I said.

"Oh Angel, cmon!" He shouted. "There can't _**be **_an 'us'!"

I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn't.

"Im a rock star Angel, do you know what it will do for my career to go out with a _**fan girl**_? It will _**ruin**_ the whole bands reputation! It will ruin _**my**_ reputation! Maybe that doesn't matter to you, but I have to prioritise: I have worked my _**whole**_ _**life**_ for this career, and you're a nice girl, but you're going to be _**dead**_ soon enough and I can't just _**gamble**_ it all away for you – it's already damaged a whole load that I will obviously have to fix just having you here. I don't think you understand that!" He shouted.

"_**Im not going to be dead soon!"**_ I shouted back.

"_**Angel, god DAMNIT, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING STUBBORN! I know how you think – and I KNOW you don't want the chemo. Even if you did have it, it probably wouldn't work on you now ANYWAY!" **_

"_**SAYS WHO?!"**_ I yelled, trying not to cry.

"_**SAID THE DAMN DOCTOR, ANGEL, YOU HAVE A VERY LOW CHANCE OF LIVING THROUGH THE CHEMO AND TO BE QUITE HONEST WITH YOU, I DON'T WANT THAT ON MY SHOULDERS – I HAVE TOO DAMN MUCH TO LOSE!**_"

I looked at him, hurt.

So that's all I was.

I was just the fan girl he used to momentarily help publicise his band and when it started to ruin him a little bit, he decided to give up.

It hurt.

It hurt even more because I loved him.

At least I thought I did.

I mean, what was all about him kissing me in the hospital then? What was that about?

So many things raced through my mind at that moment.

**Andy's POV**

I breathed heavily after yelling at her like that, and as soon as the words had come out of my mouth I felt terrible and wished so much that I could take them back.

She stood in front of me in the bunk room, with tears glistening in her eyes, looking so hurt. So confused.

"Didn't I mean anything to you?" she choked through tears.

I stayed quiet for a while, realising that I had in fact used her.

"No." I said, my voice barely more than a whisper.

Certain I was doing the right thing, I pushed past her and left her alone in the bunk room to pack up her things.

I left the tour bus with the guys and her family staring after me, obviously hearing the whole argument.

**Angel's POV**

I packed my things, feeling as if my world was crashing down.

I did not cry though.

I had all my cases packed, and ready to go, so I brought them through to the living room and looked at my family in turn.

Christian once again ran at me, but slowed when he reached me. He looked up at me and took hold of my hand cautiously.

I smiled sadly down at him. "C'mon lets go home." I said.

He smiled and me him and Lewis went out to our car.

The guys tried talking to me, but at that point in time I was sure that all of them had been in on it, and so consequently hated all of them.

Mom and Dad stayed behind a little while, presumably to say thankyou.

Then they came out, got in the car and drove us home in silence.

….

I woke up and finally we were home. Christian was asleep with his head on my lap and his legs across Lewis in the car, and Lewis just looked tired.

Mom and Dad got out the car and opened up the house.

"Ill take him." I said to Lewis and scooped up Christian.

Lewis locked up the car and the house and I put Christian to bed.

It was 12 AM and I was so tired.

I got into a nightie and was brushing out my hair.

Long. And dyed white-blonde. Andy was right – I didn't want to lose it.

I was just washing off my makeup when Lewis came in.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Hey guys, sorry if my posts are just really really late, but I have so much on right now. Please review you lovely people and tell me what you think! ^_^ Enjoy!**

Lewis was sitting on my bed, and I was kneeling in front of the mirror, putting my hair up for bed.

"Wanna tell me whats going on?" He demanded

I looked at him through the mirror. "not particularly."

"Well fuck it, Angel, you're going to!" He yelled.

I turned around. "What the hell is going on with you? You always used to be so nice but now im back home and you're a complete dick head!"  
>He stood up and yelled "Oh that is <em><strong>IT! <strong>_I am sick to _**death**_ of your bullshit!"

"My bullshit?! Look whose yelling at who!" I yelled back.

"Urgh its always fucking about you isn't it?!"  
>"What's that supposed to mean?!"<p>

"Oh I don't know, maybe _'hey im Angel, and im dying of cancer, but its ok cause im gonna ditch my fucking family for a bunch of dick heads who ive never met, so that I can fall in love with one of them who will use me for the publicity and then ill slit my wrists and end up in hospital so I can have more attention' _Jesus Christ, Angel, I didn't know having cancer turned you into such a fucking _**attention whore!**_"

"_**WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, LEWIS?! I have done NOTHING wrong to you and you're giving me shit for it!**_"

"**Nothing wrong?! **_**ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO A DAMN THING I JUST SAID?!"**_

"No because you were _**SPEAKING OUT OF YOUR ASS!**__" _I screamed at him, before turning around so he couldn't see me cry. So much pent up anger. It all just came out at once in a flood of tears. Tears fell from my eyes and onto the carpet.

"Angel…" He said, his voice soft now. "Angel I didn't mean It, im just so damn worried about you ok?"

He tried to hug me but I pushed him away and walked to the other side of my room.

"Angel… don't be like this—"

"Get out." I said.

"What?"

"I said 'Get. Out.'"

"Fine." He said, angrily and slammed the door on his way out.

I looked at of the window at the darkened suburban estate we lived on. Street lights ruined the darkness and I sighed.

…

I woke up to the smell of burnt cooking and a lot of shouting from downstairs.

I picked myself up, my body sore and aching and went downstairs.

In the kitchen mom and Lewis were having a shouting match while Christian sat screaming at the table with his hands over his ears and tears down his face.

Mom and Lewis didn't notice when I walked in so I picked up Christian, and took him out of there.

I sat down on the stairs with him and wiped away his tears with the end of my nightie. He wouldn't stop crying, though, so I sat him down beside me on the steps and gave him a hug.

That calmed him down a little but he let out the occasional sob.

"Whats going on?" I asked him.

Between sobs and sharp intakes of breath he said "Mommy and Daddy were yelling and Daddy left. And then Lewis was yelling at Daddy who yelled at him and Lewis followed him out of the house and they yelled outside for a bit and Mommy started crying and burnt my pancake and then Lewis came back in and slammed the door and punched the wall and started yelling at mommy." With that he burst into tears again.

I cuddled him some more and then the shouting finally stopped.

Mom ran out of the kitchen and shoved past us on the stairs, tears all down her face.

I took Christian back into the kitchen and made him a pancake while Lewis stood angrily, saying nothing, his back rising and falling rapidly as he was breathing deeply.

When Christian had finished he ran upstairs and got ready for school although it was late. I looked at Lewis, his back still facing me.

"What the hell was that all about?!" I asked.

He whirled around.

"Don't you even start." I warned before he could yell.

He bit his lip and then walked briskly over to the counter where he picked up some documents and slammed them onto the table in front of me.

I picked them up and looked at them all over, confused.

And then I saw it.

Typed in all capitals across the top of the page with both of my parents names on it:

'**DIVORCE RECORD REPORT'**

I was speechless.

I sat down and sighed. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Dad just said he didn't love her anymore. Just like that." He clicked his fingers. "Fucking bastard."

"Lewis!" I exclaimed.

He had always thought so much of Dad. Even if he had pissed him off, he always stuck up for him and now he hated him so much. That itself was more scary than the divorce itself.

"Does Christian know?" I asked.

"No. He doesn't know whats going on. He spent the whole time sitting screaming and crying with his hands over his ears. Was hard to yell over him."  
>"why were you yelling at mom?"<p>

He paused. "Im not sure."

"Lewis….." I warned "If you don't tell me I swear…."

"Oh shut up Angel." He said.

"Don't be such a bitch to me!"

"Shes sending you back to school ok!?"

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" I yelled.

"Yeah, didn't think youd be too happy about it." He said.

I sank back in my chair and sighed. "I fucking hate my life."


End file.
